Anyone who has raised a few kids is familiar with this sort of experience: you’re pushing a stroller and your two little ones are each holding onto a handle. The bunch of you truddle along (a verb I just made up meaning stop start adjust step forward adjust step forward push) heading toward the doctor’s office. You stop the procession to pull open the heavy metal door at the entrance to the building.

As you release your grip on the stroller to make this maneuver your two preschoolers do the same — each of them squealing with delight as they take off in opposite directions down the sidewalk. Of course you start shouting like a fishwife not knowing whether to turn right or left (in the moment of panic you forget which child is your favorite).

I’m making light of this situation because 20 or 40 years later it’s a funny scene to recall. However at the moment when it’s happening a mother is definitely not amused. In fact when she finally does manage to corral her kids her adrenaline-pumped system may cause an explosion of rage.

“Don’t you ever do that again” she shouts grabbing each youngster by the collar. “That was very bad!” And on and on …

Passersby see two wide-eyed children being screamed at by a woman who looks like she’s unraveling. At one point the woman’s eyes meet the accusing eyes of one of these strangers. Let me explain she says to herself because it’s too embarrassing to say it out loud my children just ran away and I got so scared...

“Yeah right” the onlooker’s face says clearly. “Admit it — you’re just a bad mother.”

Embarrassing Moments

Then there’s the situation where a mother is in public when her children start to cry yell fight or otherwise make a loud and unpleasant scene. Mom feeling humiliated by the shenanigans of her brood turns bright-red and goes into brain-lock. She must stop the offending racket but how? She wants to scream at her children to cease and desist but knows that doing so will only fuel the fires that are already burning.

Moreover an adult’s personal meltdown looks far worse to spectators than does a child’s. Every parent knows that children will occasionally behave atrociously in public. When they see a parent handle the situation gracefully calmly and intelligently they are highly impressed. On the other hand no one is impressed when they see a parent snap under pressure. That mother should take a parenting class! Did you hear what she just said to her son?

Dealing with Children in Public

Now that we’ve established that children often behave in immature childish ways in public situations let’s look at how parents can remain adult and maintain their composure under pressure.

The first step is to be prepared. Have an action plan in place for the inevitable tumult. Suppose for example that little Shimmy has just sunk his teeth into Noach’s arm while playing in the sandbox. Now Noach is bawling at the top of his lungs; his mom runs up to him in a panic. Shimmy’s mom is pretty sure she knows what happened based on Shimmy’s recent social interactions. When her fears are confirmed she is ready to respond.

First Mom apologizes profusely to Noach and his mom and assures both of them that she will take this up with Shimmy at home. Disciplining in public is best avoided. Then she turns to Shimmy quietly and tells him that they have to leave the park. A low voice helps keep the parent calm.

Although Shimmy protests vehemently Mom doesn’t say another word. She simply packs up her belongings and takes her son by the hand. He cries and protests all the way out of the park but Mom remains quiet. Fewer words mean less adrenaline.

Only when they finally arrive home does she sit down to talk to Shimmy about the episode. Discipline and guidance take place in private.

Sometimes of course a parent can be terribly frightened shocked or horrified by her child’s behavior. Her heart starts to pound without her permission. Even then if she’s prepared herself in advance she can resolve to speak both little and quietly at the time of the incident and deal with the behavior later. She’ll be very pleased with herself as she saves both herself and her child from public humiliation.