I t’s quite amazing to see the noise-making contraptions people bring to Megillah readings — not just groggers and whistles but cymbals trombones even full drum kits. Ok slight exaggeration but I once went to a reading where somebody was armed with a foghorn. A foghorn is designed to be used at sea to warn other vessels of your presence i.e. over long sea-swathed distances not in a small shul. We struggled to hear much else that Purim so battered were our eardrums.

Another memorable occasion was a reading with lots of college students. The enthusiasm of youth coupled with the boldness of early adulthood meant the baal korei had to wait about 15 minutes after each Haman. It got tiresome.

Conversely it seems that with childbirth many women lose the desire to make any noise at all. With my passage into staid parenthood I started to go to ladies’ readings. I was dismayed when not a single peep was made after the first Haman and the pin-drop silence wasn’t broken throughout. “Ladies!” I wanted to shout “Where’s your sense of fun?” I imagine I would’ve been huffed down “There’s enough noise at home; we’re certainly not going to create it!”

I always felt sorry for the little girls who came along — whilst their brothers had enjoyed a raucous reading shortly before they had to keep entirely quiet barely allowed to ruffle their sparkly cos-tumes.

Next time I’m bringing the foghorn.