“If I were a rich man!” The famous character Tevye bargains with Hashem making grandiose plans for what he could carry out — if only he were wealthy. The line resonates with us. Don’t we all know the feeling of wishing we could afford this or that of wondering what we would do if we had a million dollars?

The Mishnah in Avos teaches that the true wealthy man is one who is samei’ach b’chelko happy with his portion. At the same time our tefillos contain requests for sustenance and plenty. How are we to understand this seeming contradiction?

The problem is further compounded by the reality that our communities today are so starkly composed of “haves” and “have nots.” In almost every classroom there are children who live in palaces sitting beside those who barely have food in the refrigerator. As we watch others prosper while we struggle how can we truly be happy with what we have?

A Cushion not a Shield

Rav Shlomo Wolbe explains that the struggle to be samei’ach b’chelko is mitigated with the understanding that life in This World is but a path to the Next. The blessing of “sh’asah li kol tzarki — Who provided me with all my needs” teaches us that whatever we have today is what we need to move us forward on this path. There are no parentheses after this brachah saying “I have all that I need minus X Y or Z.”

If we internalize this attitude we will not only feel satisfied we will also value whatever we have in life since we realize that if Hashem gave it to me I must need it. This is why explains Rav Wolbe Yaakov Avinu went back to retrieve some tiny jugs. He knew they were essential for his path towards Olam HaBa.

American media and Western culture has taught us to spend lots of money in the noble pursuit of happiness giving over the subtle message that without money happiness is unattainable. But can money purchase happiness?

The Gemara in Brachos teaches us which things are “marchiv daato shel adam” — broaden one’s mind. Included in the list is a beautiful house with nice amenities. What is this expansion of daas that money can buy?

I often use the following story to illustrate this point. Two families had elderly mothers each of whom had gone though severe mental and physical degeneration. The wealthy family was able to provide for their mother at home giving her the greatest luxuries and comforts until ultimately she passed on. The other family had to place its mother in an average level at best nursing facility where she is still living today.

The happiness of having a mother alive is what the second family is still zocheh to have. The peace of mind of knowing that they were able to give their mother the best care during her final years belongs to the first family. The pain of watching a parent degenerate belongs to both.

Material possessions are a cushion that can soften the blows during our difficult journey in this world but they cannot block us from the pain all people will exerpience at some point. I often pause in Shabbos Minchah at the phrase “Your children should recognize and know that from You is their rest and with this rest they should sanctify Your name.”Menuchah peace of mind is a gift that enables us to strive and be productive. Hashem decides who gets it when and in what quantity. Our job is to use it to be mekadesh sheim Shamayim to sanctify His name.

I once heard a rav state that there is always enough money in Klal Yisrael for Klal Yisrael. The distribution of that money is uneven however in order to facilitate the mitzvah oftzedakah. We know that “tzedakah saves one from death” and the fact that there are those who give to Klal Yisrael is what keeps us alive as a nation.

Reliance — the Key to Joy

The mighty dollar is crumbling at an alarming pace and the ripples are being felt by many. The local Tomchei Shabbos in our neighborhood is caring for just as many “had beens” as “never hads.” All of these families are struggling with the stark reality of disappointments and fear for the future. All of them must somehow explain to their children why they cannot have whatever the trends dictate is a “must have.”

Yet it is possible for both adults and children to maintain simchas hachayim despite these undeniable challenges. Rav Moshe Wolfson shlita teaches that the word simchah is related to the word lismoch to rely upon. When David HaMelech cries out to Hashem it is a “tefillah l’ani” the cry of the poor man. One of the most empowering realizations in life is the awareness that our lives are completely in Hashem’s Hands. History has shown that this realization has enough power to enable Jews to walk singing into the gas chambers.

The simchah of lismoch reliance takes us a step further into a very human expression that we as mothers and wives must be aware of. When a person experiences the security and comfort resulting from a relationship bonded with love he feels true happiness. This is what we can provide our families.

Shlomo HaMelech praises the eishes chayil: “her husband’s heart trusts her.” So often we hear about homes being destroyed due to financial issues. Every wife must use herbinah yeseirah to imbue her husband with the confidence that his financial situation has so quickly smashed instead of deepening the pain that comes from being unable to support one’s family.

When husbands and wives view each other as partners in both their successes and their failures their relationship can survive the harm posed by financial struggles. Through healthy communication mutual commitment to goals and a shared perspective in emunah  financial struggles can even bring a couple closer together.

As parents couples must prioritize what is essential in their home and what is not. Often the mother has the ingenuity and creativity to make less seem like more. She is the one who can show her family that simchah can be acquired even without buying items. She can create an atmosphere of menuchas hanefesh in her home for which “Her children will rise and extol her her husband will praise her.”

Children have an amazing sense of discernment when it comes to their parents. The child who lives in a palace may be much sadder than the child with an empty refrigerator but a house full of love. Any home that is filled with either silence or screams is sending a child a very negative message. Children who grow up lacking luxuries or even basic essentials will have simchah when they can rely (lismoch) on their parents. Love time and attention are commodities that have no cost but are essentially priceless.

While it is true that as children mature they’ll notice what is missing and will inevitably compare themselves with others each child’s nature will determine how much those differences affect him or her. The wise parent will deal with each child according to her needs and realize that “just as their faces are different so are their mindsets.”

And when the pinch of poverty becomes painful we should turn and request livelihood from the Source. Every time we bless Hashem for sustaining us in bentsching we pray: Please Hashem let us not require the gifts of man not their loans not their money; we only want to be sustained by You knowing that Your Hand can provide us with everything we need. By relying on You we are confident that we will never know pain or shame again.