Reader roundtable: Our nation’s at war — what's our role? Six women weigh in

As part of a nation at war, we’re all struggling with feelings of pain and fear. But those of us not directly impacted by the crisis are left wondering: what should day-to-day life look like now? Should we be striving to create a sense of normalcy and structure for our kids, or be consumed by grief? Where is the line between protecting our emotional health and being insensitive? How do we balance practical assistance with spiritual efforts? Six women weigh in.

Chani

42, Yerushalayim

Russi

40, Yerushalayim

Yocheved

36, Ramat Beit Shemesh

Avigail

35, Monsey

Esti

31, Lakewood

Rena

28, Toronto

Yocheved

Let’s start with the news: How often are you checking the news, do you think it’s good, bad, helpful?

I’m trying to cut down on my obsessive news refreshing, but when I told that to a friend, she said, “Oh, so you check the news twice a day?” I was like, “Uh, try five times an hour instead of every minute.” It’s a work in progress.

Esti

I think I check the news too much. If I didn’t analyze everything, I think I’d have a more honest view of what’s going on. If you really believe that these people are all puppets — which I do — what does it matter what the facts on the ground are? I think it’s causing me to lose my focus, since I’m busy getting angry at things that are irrelevant.

Yocheved

But really, you just see the rising anti-Semitism and the falling levels of caring around the world when you check the news. I think there was this immediate shock and horror that the whole world felt, and now it’s fading, and that’s horrifying.

Rena

You don’t think the anger or fear drives you toward action, or teshuvah, something?

Yocheved

It’s easier to be angry than it is to cry or feel sad or scared. I think the anger is an escape.

I feel like I’m checking the news too much. But at the same time, I have a lot of friends who are completely disengaged. And I don’t think that’s right either. But maybe that’s just my guilty conscience.

Esti

Yes! That’s what I’m struggling with right now. On the other hand, checking the news a lot is diluting my understanding of what’s actually happening, because you get so caught up in commentary and analysis that you lose what you should be seeing. You hear people teitching it up, like, oh, if Trump was in office, this would have never happened. I think that’s apikorsus.

But then the other question is, does looking at the news that much make you less emotional about what’s happening? When we first found out what had happened, before we checked the news, there was just such a raw emotion there. Once you start analyzing it, you lose that because now you’re getting, for lack of a better word, academic about the whole thing.

Rena

I think that time does that anyway, regardless of what you check. On the other hand, there are some things that really make you pause. I watched an interview yesterday of a girl who was at the festival. She was obviously very sad, but she was not hysterical at all, just very calmly recounting her experience. It was incredibly heartbreaking and difficult to listen to, and it felt just as raw as when I heard on Yom Tov. It was just so horrible.

Russi

Yes, one way to stay connected is to listen to other people’s perspectives and hear what they’re going through. I’ve been reading profiles of the people who were lost, or those who are missing. When I feel the need to check something and the headlines haven’t changed, I read another one. When you finish it, you’re in tears.

Esti

So let’s assume being into the news is not the greatest reaction right now. The thing is, I’m not going to spend my time that I would have been checking the news saying Tehillim — that’s the problem. I’d be doing something stupid instead. Maybe every time I look for news updates I should say another perek of Tehillim. Maybe that would help a little.

Chani

From reading the news, what’s hitting me more and more is that logically, this whole situation makes no sense. The way it started seems to defy teva—who could have imagined a security failure of these proportions?—and what is needed for us to beat Hamas also defies nature. It’s so clear that the only way we can win is with Hashem, and that all we can do is daven.