“Rava says: Anyone who is maavir al middosav [willing to overlook a wrong done to him] will have his transgressions overlooked as the pasuk states ‘He Who bears iniquity and overlooks sin.’ For whom does Hashem bear their iniquity? For he who overlooks sin.” (Rosh HaShanah 17a)

I bustle around my house from searching for a lost shoe to mending pants to making dinner. I read a bedtime story rush to a shoe sale in honor of Yom Tov and then try another honey cake recipe. All these concerns swallow me alive leaving me only minuscule crumbs of pure ruchniyus and introspection.

I know the morning sandwiches and Yom Tov clothes are pleasing to Hashem. But still isn’t there something else I can do without deviating from my daily routine? Aren’t there a few spiritual items I can pick up while rushing along the highway of life?

If not how can I show my face on the Day of Judgment?

My ten-year-old was asked to clean her room. She did but left socks under the bed.

My twelve-year-old went shopping but met friends playing ball and came back an hour later. I was in the middle of making dinner and waiting desperately for the cheese while he kicked a ball around.

Once again my husband left the bills and bank statements on the dining room table.

On a regular day these things irritate me to the depths of my being. And I vent my anger at high volume leaving nothing unclear about what I want. But now?

We see that a person himself determines by what standards he will be judged in Shamayim. Sometimes two people can do the same thing and be judged differently because one is forgiving of others and overlooks when other people mistreat him and therefore the principle of middah k’neged middah causes his own misdeeds to be forgiven or mitigated by the circumstances and his good deeds to be valued more due to the difficulties he had to overcome. The other who was not as forgiving is judged more harshly and expected to act perfectly. (Rav Chaim Friedlander Sifsei Chaim)

Right now I don’t want to be judged with such exactness. I want to be forgiven and understood. I want Hashem to know I didn’t mean it that I really wanted to be better and that I was simply confused when I made the wrong choices. But deep down do I truly believe that? Do I believe it’s possible to overlook things to accept imperfect actions to forgive and understand difficulties and mistakes?

This Divine conduct toward man is not a punishment. Rather Hashem treats a human being the way that person treats others.

What does it mean to be a maavir al middosav and why does a person earn such a great reward from this that all his sins are forgiven? My master and teacher Rav Dessler explained this with an analogy to a person who takes up almost the entire road but doesn’t block it entirely. The same is true with regard to human traits. A maavir al middosav is not the perfect person who’s fully uprooted all his negative traits. Rather he has diminished them and reduced their control over him to the point that someone else can pass him by.

For instance if a person becomes filled with anger when someone insults him he will not be capable of understanding the person who angered him and thereby judging him favorably. But a person who minimizes his anger even when he does get angry who remains capable of simply overlooking it — in other words understanding and forgiving the person who angered him — has achieved the status of maavir al middosav.

Therefore measure for measure Hashem also diminishes His own attribute of judgment and even when a person has sinned Hashem judges him leniently and does not punish him with the full weight of Divine judgment. This is certainly measured on different levels but to whatever degree a person is forgiving of others Hashem will also be forgiving of his sins. (ibid.)

It’s not a question of reward or punishment. It’s simply a very obvious and natural result. Whatever measuring stick I use will be turned around and used on me.