Straight talk from influencers, observers, and social media users

The Problem Is Us

Rabbi Yossi Bensoussan with Elisheva Appel

The idea of an influencer predates the Internet. By several millennia, actually. The original Influencer has had us looking enviously at other people’s perfect lives for centuries, only now he has a platform that lets him do it on a much wider scale, with much greater ease. So yeah, of course the Satan loves the Internet.

Of course, it’s easy to demonize the Internet, but we have to realize it’s just a tool. Like any tool, there are amazing people who use it responsibly, to spread inspiring and authentic content — and others who misuse it. The real problem is deeper. It’s us.

Peeping into others’ carefully curated storybook lives feeds into our narratives that our lives are no good, we’re inadequate, and gee, other people really have it good. We subconsciously try to assume their persona, hoping it’ll make our own sorry lives a little more perfect.

The end result: We walk away thinking that we’re not enough. Not creative enough, not successful enough, not well-dressed, calm, and put-together enough.

Yeah, we’re human. We have flaws. But we’re also amazing.

I love how Dovid Bashevkin writes in all his author blurbs, “Dovid has been rejected from several prestigious fellowships and awards.” We’re all human, and we all have failures, but so, what? We have so much within us that can be used as a force for good.

And whatever your platform, vulnerability is important. We need to be open about struggles, about the uglier parts of our life. It helps people understand the complexity of life, that it’s not worth the cost of pursuing a perfect image.

True connection is born of bonding over difficulties and imperfections, not over perfect, plastic exteriors. And social media often obscures that truth.

This is especially dangerous for kids and teens. Adults can recognize, at least intellectually, that what they’re seeing doesn’t represent the full picture, but teens don’t yet have the life experience to realize that real life doesn’t tend to match the perfection they see on screen.

And if I can address the influencers themselves for a moment, I’d say: People need to stay in their lane. I know how to cook, but I don’t make cooking videos. I’m not good at explaining it. I have no idea how much of anything to put in, you just shake some spices on top, you know?

We all need to know our expertise and stick to it. After a recent very public scandal, everyone felt the need to weigh in, and people asked me to share my thoughts, too. But it’s not my field. I had no credentials to say anything useful there, so I kept my mouth closed.

If you’re talking decor or politics, do that. Don’t start offering uninformed life advice or hashkafic guidance. Social commentary and advocacy campaigns sound great, but I’ve rarely seen anyone start volunteering more or actually bring about constructive change because an influencer suggested it.

For the most part, social media personalities who express uninformed sound bites on weighty issues in the community stir up indignation without getting results. Folks, stay in your lane. That doesn’t mean you can only be a one-trick pony. There might be a cause that you’ll choose to champion, but then make it yours, study it, tackle it responsibly. Sound bites on the trending news of the day is not the same as social activism.

Rabbi Yossi Bensoussan is the mashgiach ruchani of Yeshiva High School of Cleveland, and runs a private counseling and advisory practice. He’s been turned down for just about every other occupation he has tried.