“Please don’t treat short people like children!”

I’m Not a Child [Falling Short / Issue 900]

Thank you for covering the fascinating topic of growth hormones. I appreciated that idiopathic short stature was mentioned. I was always about four inches shorter than average and was tested multiple times for growth hormone deficiency, but the results always came back showing that my body had the proper amount. I was told growth hormones wouldn’t help me at all and that I was destined to be short. I wish my parents had known that growth hormones might help even if there is no hormone deficiency.

Another aspect of height that wasn’t mentioned is the practicality of it. It’s actually difficult to do many tasks when you’re five inches shorter than the average woman, things such as driving, reaching things on higher shelves, and finding clothes that fit right.

Being short doesn’t magically make me super thin. Thank goodness I live in a society that doesn’t place too much value on externals, but I have been teased and infantilized all my life for my height. I find it super condescending when people pat me on the head or try to pick me up because I’m so short and cute. People don’t take me seriously because of my height, and it’s painful. It’s been hard to establish myself in the corporate world as a short-statured person.

Please don’t treat short people like children!

Name Withheld

A Weekly Shot [Falling Short / Issue 900]

With regard to growth hormone injections, my son has been on them for a number of years already and baruch Hashem it has really been helping. A new injection just came out a few years ago, a weekly injection instead of a daily one. It’s called Skytrofa. More and more insurances are accepting this injection and it has been a life changer. I’m happy to provide additional information if anyone needs.

Sarah Cohen

She’s Not Spoiled  [Second Guessing / Issue 899]

In this story about the mother who makes her teen work to earn spending money for camp, everyone seems to be pointing out how spoiled the teen was, but a closer look reveals how the mother is frustrated that her daughter can’t help her anymore because she’s out working for money. This shows that the teen wasn’t spoiled; she had chores and responsibilities around the house and that the mother felt the impact of not having her daughter available.

This should have been taken into consideration when the parents made the decision that the daughter needed to earn her own spending money. She could have had her daughter “work for her” in order to make her camp money.

Perhaps the daughter did go overboard with her credit card, but that was more a matter of making boundaries with how much money she can spend at one time. Making her work when she already has many household responsibilities has no connection to that.

I was surprised that so many people missed that point and jumped into saying how the daughter was so spoiled and ungrateful.

Name Withheld

Use with Caution [Musings / Issue 898]

Decades ago, an article titled “All the Good Things” introduced the frum world to the awesome idea of having students write a compliment for each classmate. All who read it were swept away by the idea, pumped by the impact this could have. It was all the rage, with so many teachers in our Bais Yaakov classrooms instructing each student to write her name on top of a paper, then pass it on to the rest of the class to write her compliments. In her piece, Chavie Berg did a glorious job capturing her experience playing this game with her students.

However, I feel compelled to flash a sign: Caution. Danger ahead. We are trusting our children to only write positive comments, and blindly handing their words over to other vulnerable children. As a mother, some of the lists I perused that my children brought home after playing this game had compliments that were open to interpretation: brings good snack to school (does she show off or share?), wears a pretty headband (is there anything of merit in the head under it?), skinny (is that the only quality you can think of about her?).

I came across “compliments” that could be hurtful to an 11-year-old, for example: quiet, teacher’s pet, goody-goody. I wonder how sensitive these young classmates were to a girl who was socially off, academically challenged, and friendless. Do these young girls have the conscience or the ability to highlight classmates’ characteristics in only positive ways? Especially when they can hide behind anonymity, how much harder is it for them to force themselves to be super careful?

In the original article, the teacher who thought up this idea had every student (ninth graders) write a list of the classmates’ names and fill in compliments for each classmate. Then the teacher collected the papers and rewrote all the compliments for each student. Hence, any comment that was not complimentary could be omitted or doctored. One of my daughters’ teachers did something similar: She collected the fourth graders’ compliment papers, then chose four wonderful compliments, I assume combining different girls, to record and enclose with her mishloach manos. A shout-out to this teacher for undertaking this monumental task. I feel that to avoid even one child getting hurt from this game, it is worth it.

HK

Where's the Trigger Warning? [On Call / Issue 899]

I applaud you for taking upon yourself the role of coordinating reading material for homes in Klal Yisrael across the globe. I noticed you’ve been taking on heavier topics lately, which brings up conversation and hopefully makes positive change. I’m enjoying the serial about Dr. Ayala Rubin in the ER. Shoshana Gross launches straight into the mind and scene of an ER doctor taking you right there. Her style in writing seems effortless, as if we’re schmoozing with Ayala herself.

However, the one about a woman having a stillbirth should have said, “Trigger warning.” It was such an intense and sorrowful scene. I cannot understand how you okayed it to be published in detail for general reading purposes. If one of our wonderful organizations that handle such issues would publish this story in their designated pamphlet, I would understand. When reading one of those publications, I am anticipating this level of heaviness. Turning a page in Family First and pleasantly reading a story that suddenly turns into despair and death was itself an intense experience.

Everybody is holding somewhere in their childbearing phase. Some people are blissfully unaware of such deep sorrow, and now had a glimpse into a room thick with pain. Some women are waiting for children and this story describes a heart-wrenching roadblock. Some women are post baby and juggling intense emotions. Some women are expecting and now have more nerve-racking scenarios to imagine. Some women have experienced this pain themselves and would never wish it upon a friend, or want them to feel what took place. Other ladies are mothers, grandmothers, and aunts to women in these positions. Not to mention all the young girls who read Family First as well. The specific detail this story went into is deeply disturbing for any of the people in these positions.

Rena Klugmann

We Play a Role [Strictly Business / Issue 897]

I had a conversation with some young to middle-aged women who work in frum offices, some in the Tristate and some out of town, and we all agreed on the same thing: We women play a big role in inappropriate work relationships. Gedarim are imperative and go a long way, but if women today continue coming to work dressed provocatively and very made up, we’re putting a tremendous nisayon on the already burdened men.

A woman who finds herself in an uncomfortable situation with a man should look at herself and see if she is contributing to the issue. I personally know men who have left their places of work in frum offices, many that offer Daf Yomi and one-on-one learning, etc., because this nisayon is too great.

Please, ladies, let us do our part in protecting our own kedushah.

L.B.

New Jersey

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 902)