Can you commit to a relationship with Hashem — and with your spouse — despite the difficulties?

“We’ll commit and we’ll find out what we agreed to later — naaseh v’nishma.” And so the Jewish People entered into marriage with Hashem knowing very little about Who or what they were committing to.

It’s really the same in any marriage. Two young people commit to each other having very little idea of who or what they are committing to. They’ll find out over the course of their lifetimes. When the going gets rough (as it almost inevitably does) they can draw on the lessons Hashem has provided about the marriage commitment process. For instance the Jewish People didn’t find out the details of the laws they would have to follow until quite awhile after the “marriage ceremony.” At that point individuals might have complained: “This is way too hard! I didn’t know it would be like this!”

Hashem’s answer to all of our complaints has been “TrustMe.It’s all for your own good.” We’ve had to travel in darkness experiencing confusing terrifying and distressing events and we’ve had to trust Hashem through it all. It hasn’t been an easy ride. Of course we’ve had our joyous occasions too but many of us are still left wondering “Why is this marriage so hard?”

Rising Above the Challenges

Unfortunately we aren’t likely to have that question answered while we are still in the state of darkness. However we can learn something just by observing the way that Hashem partners with us. This marriage is clearly not a purely feel-good arrangement.

We can see that Hashem wants us to encounter difficulties — when He no longer wants that for us He will remove all obstacles. This is the day that we yearn for constantly.

Meanwhile we can stop wasting our time asking why He wants to challenge us in this way and instead spend our energies figuring out how to rise to the challenges that He has placed in our paths. Whether faced with illness war poverty or relationship difficulties our task is to negotiate each problem to the best of our ability while accessing Hashem’s help and support. There is something beneficial in the struggle something that we can learn a greatness that we can achieve as long as we realize what our task is.

Building Greatness

Understanding the nature of Hashem’s marriage to the Jewish People is crucial to divining the relationship between a husband and wife. Marriage is a multifaceted complex union of opposite energies; it is a highly challenging experience meant to build personal and national greatness. But how?

By helping us develop faith and trust in Hashem through prayer and contemplation; grow in patience compassion and self-control; and overcome undesirable and destructive traits such as selfishness hard-heartedness and anger. Whether we produce the necessary changes on our own or with the benefit of rebbeim teachers or others our personal evolution is the point of our marriage just as it is the point of our national marriage to Hashem.

A Custom-Tailored Task

While we may be tempted to believe that it is only our spouse who needs to grow and improve we must be careful not to neglect our own spiritual evolution. Like our spouses we have come into This World to accomplish and we can only do so through our own hard work.

Handing our marriage problems over to our spouses to solve is like handing our money problems to Hashem to take care of while we take an extended vacation. There is no accomplishment without personal effort.

Imagine Hashem speaking to you directly saying “I am sending you a difficult person to live with someone who is very different from you. You can choose to respond with despair and bitterness or you can strengthen your relationship with Me and perfect your character. If you choose the first path then you will receive no reward and you may be sent back again to work with another difficult spouse. If however you choose the second you will receive great eternal reward and your efforts will bring forth a flow of peace and harmony into all the worlds. It’s up to you.”

It’s easy to imagine what your soul would have answered while still in the celestial heights. The question is what will you answer now that your soul resides within? Will you commit?