I remember when... 4 true accounts

Dear Michal,

I don’t know if you remember me. But I will definitely always remember you, and the lesson you taught me.

You’re probably a little confused because I doubt you remember what happened. It was June. I was 11 or 12, and it was my first year in camp. I was shy and timid and petrified to meet 85 other kids my age who I didn’t know at all. The thought of being in a huge sleepaway camp where I didn’t know a single face scared me out of my wits. I was terrified of being so far from home, but I wanted so badly to be big and to go to camp. So I broke a sacred rule of being big and going to sleepaway camp — I brought a teddy bear along with me. Don’t laugh. I needed that teddy bear for moral support. He was a cute little bear, brown and fuzzy and a little smaller than the size of my hand. I brought him along with me and hid him under my pillow. At night, under the cover of darkness, when I was sure the whole bunk was asleep, I would reach under my pillow and pull him out. I would squeeze this little bear in my hand as homesickness overcame me. For the first week or so, I would cry to my little bear in the pitch-black bunkhouse almost every night. I hid him during the day, of course; I knew I was too big to have a teddy bear. But I needed the support so badly.

The first week or two of camp was hard. I was shy, I didn’t know anyone. It was hard to put myself out there and try to make friends. I was used to being together with my three closest friends, and now I was thrown into the deep end and told to swim. I was finding it hard to stay afloat. Homesickness and loneliness threatened to capsize my boat under the storm they created in my heart. I had wanted so badly to go to camp but now that I was there, I wasn’t sure this was where I wanted to be. And so, night after night I would cry to my little teddy bear. During the day, just the thought of him sitting there, waiting for me under my pillow, gave me strength to be brave and to make friends.

Slowly, as the days went by, I found myself enjoying camp more. I had become friendly with a few of the girls, I was starting to find my footing, and I no longer felt like an outsider anymore. Maybe camp isn’t so bad after all, I thought. I can do this, and I can have a great time. Life in camp was looking up, things were good.

Until that day.

The day that you saved my life.

We were all sitting around in a circle on one of those long, hot Shabbos afternoons. We were bored, so someone suggested a game of cards. You, Michal, agreed to the game and I did too. For some reason, I suggested we go up to my bed to play. So, all three of us climbed up to the rickety top bunk where I slept. We passed around the cards and were about to start the game when another girl poked her head up. “Hey, can I join?” she asked. We all agreed, so she climbed up the ladder to come join in the fun. Camp beds are short and narrow and with three girls already on it, we filled much of the tiny space that was my bed. With her feet still on the ladder and the upper half of her body leaning on the side of my bed, this other girl looked around for a place to sit. There was a small amount of space at the head of my bed and so she maneuvered her body there, brushing aside my pillow to make a little more room to sit. As she moved the pillow, my little brown teddy bear appeared.

The girl picked up my little bear. “What’s this?” Her voice was neutral but there was a slight tease there. I froze. I didn’t know what to say. I was friendly with these girls, but not that close, and I didn’t have the words to defend myself.

At that moment all my good feelings about camp popped like a balloon. I’m sunk, I’m done with camp forever. I’ll never have friends now. I’m never coming back to camp ever again.