There is nothing sweeter than to reveal one’s personal spiritual greatness that has been dormant for far too long

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any shmuessen and lectures delivered at this time of the year start out something like this: “It’s hard to believe another year has gone by. And did we change? Did we keep our Yamim Noraim resolutions and kabbalos? We’re still the same people we were 12 months ago!”

I would like to suggest that these kinds of statements are not really productive, encouraging, or even true.

But let’s first talk about a great and popular niggun: Reb Eitan Katz’s “Elul.” Its lyrics are: “De de daye, daye, de daye, daye, daye, de de daye, daye, de daye, daye, daye...” If you haven’t heard it, I suggest you do. It is not slow and somber but upbeat and full of joy.

I recall the first time I heard it. I wondered, “Why would a niggun that is supposed to be related to teshuvah have such an upbeat feel?”

I knew there must be an explanation — Reb Eitan doesn’t compose songs on a whim.

And then I realized that, if we reflect properly on it, we really should be very excited at the opportunity to do teshuvah.

There’s a mistaken translation for the word teshuvah: “repentance.” That is simply not what the word means. “Teshuvah” — whose root word is “shav” — means “returning.” But what are we returning to? In his sefer Oros Hateshuvah, Rav Avrohom Yitzchok HaKohein Kook z”l explains that teshuvah is the return to one’s self.

This is how we must look at teshuvah. It is not merely that we need to rectify what we did so that we avoid the negative consequences of our actions, punishment and suffering. Rather, when we do teshuvah, we are returning to who we truly are. We are coming in touch with our long-lost selves. Teshuvah does not come to sour life but to sweeten it. There is nothing sweeter than to reveal one’s personal spiritual greatness that has been dormant for far too long.

But teshuvah also demands that we face reality, and that can prove difficult. When we reflect on the mistakes, the failed opportunities, the if-onlys and the how-could-I’s? — a sense of remorse, or even melancholy, will inevitably slip in.

But once again, a proper perspective can help ease the pain.

When we do teshuvah, Hashem gives us an amazing gift. Not only can we apologize for ignoring Him and have Him accept our apology, but He considers us brand-new. As Rabbeinu Yonah (Yesod Hateshuvah) says, one should consider himself born anew when he does teshuvah: “Throw away all your sins and consider yourself as if you were born today. You have neither merits nor transgressions. Today is the beginning of your life.”

Rav Yaakov Hopfer delved into the questions we often ask ourselves when confronted with the need for teshuvah: “Why should I bother accepting something new upon myself? I know I’m not going to be able keep it for the long term anyway. So what’s the point? I tried it last year and the year before that and years before that. I might as well stop fooling myself and just accept the reality of who I am. I might as well just survive Elul and the Yamim Noraim but not plan or hope for any real changes.”

Said Rav Hopfer, this is the wrong attitude and outlook. We have to see our mistakes and transgressions as aberrations — not as a car careening off the highway and coming to a total halt, but rather as a veering car. We sometimes swerve off the spiritual road, and sometimes we do this in significant ways. But if we don’t allow ourselves to come to a complete stop, we can survive our drifts and make them temporary. That enables us to more easily jump back on the highway to proper avodas Hashem.

Rav Hopfer gave the example of a man with a temper problem. He lashes out at his family, friends, and co-workers pretty regularly. He decides to truly work on his anger, seeking advice and strategies how to avoid blowing his stack. He manages to go an entire week without becoming enraged, until something finally happens to really upset him, and he loses it. What should he do now, and how should he think of himself?

He should be proud of himself! He used to lose his temper several times a week, but this week he only failed once. He has grown and improved. He will try again and probably manage better and better for a good while. But let’s even say he doesn’t continue in his growth; was he better off having tried to improve?

The bottom-line result was fewer flared tempers, at least for that week, so it was most certainly a big gain. He showed himself that he is capable of controlling himself, and he can use this as a point of reference for future potential inspiration and success.

Yes, we did grow spiritually last year. And we have to internalize this reality, even if we haven’t perfected our growth yet, even if we have gone off the right path at times.

Elul and teshuvah can be exciting!

Let’s sing that special Eitan Katz Elul song and let’s appreciate the magnificent teshuvah process as we return to who we really are, as we return to the land of our soul.

Rabbi Boruch Leff is a rebbi in Baltimore, an editor, and the author of six books.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1027)