When a wife show genuine excitement and take real pleasure in achievements of the spirit she sends a subtle but powerful message to her husband

Poet and warrior, judge and prophetess. Reading of the life of Devorah haneviah leaves us puzzled. How does one woman display such disparate qualities? Why was she chosen to lead the nation? And how can women today, who are neither warriors nor judges, emulate the uniqueness of this spiritual giant?

Spark into Flame

If you want to unlock the secret essence of a person, place, or word, Reb Tzaddok HaKohen tells us, examine the first place it’s mentioned. The Navi introduces Devorah as “a prophetess, wife of Lapidos” (Shoftim 4:4). And in the words “wife of Lapidos” lies the key to deciphering this enigmatic personality.

Usually, a person is mentioned in connection with another when the other person has attained greatness. However, almost nothing is known about Lapidos, which leads the mefarshim to explore the nature of Lapidos as the key to understanding the personality, and greatness of Devorah.

In Mishlei we read the familiar words: “The wisdom of a woman builds her home.” The Midrash ascribes this praise to Devorah. Chazal teach us that Lapidos, Devorah's husband, was a simpleton. Devorah Haneviah wanted him to be surrounded by holiness, and to merit eternal life. To achieve this, she would fashion very thick wicks (lapid can be translated as torch) and give them to her husband to take to Shiloh so that the sages could learn by their light. Hashem rewarded her actions by bestowing the light of prophecy upon her.

The setting of Devorah’s life may be light years away from our own, but her own dilemma echoes with startling relevance. How often is a woman frustrated or despondent when she realizes that her life’s partner is not the person she dreamed of or expected? The situation carries a pain so profound it can be crippling.

Chazal tell us that a worthy woman is one “she’oseh retzon baalah” which is usually interpreted as one who does her husband’s will. However, another interpretation highlights a woman’s influence: rather simply performing her husband’s will, “she makes her husband’s will.” Through her binah yeseirah, a woman can shape her husband’s aspirations, tending a spark until it becomes a flame. In her simple, manual work of twisting wicks, Devorah Heneviah became the quintessential eshes chayil, uncovering and bringing forth her husband’s inner essence.

In an era when turning on the lights involves a flick of the fingers, how can we twist the wicks that will bring forth our husbands’ inner luminosity?

When a wife show genuine excitement and take real pleasure in achievements of the spirit—whether an act of giving, charity dispensed, a learning goal achieved— she sends a subtle but powerful message to her husband. This is what matters to me, she tells him wordlessly. This is what makes me happy, excited, fulfilled. And in doing so, she builds her husband and home into a beacon of flame.

Passion to Connect

The Malbim understands the phrase eshes Lapidos not as information regarding Devorah’s husband, but as a description of Devorah character: Devorah was quick and passionate, and her service of Hashem was reminiscent of a fiery flame (lapid). In the merit of this quality she was worthy of receiving prophecy.

Devorah’s passion was not limited to her own avodas Hashem; she infused it in others. The Ralbag understands one of the major motifs of Shiras Devorah was the desire for the people to recognize the hand of Hashem in their lives and to serve Him with greater intensity. In this respect Devorah Haneviah goes beyond her role as a wife to serve as a paradigm of a mother.

Indeed, in the Shirah Devorah refers to herself as a mother: ad sh’kamti Devorah, sh’kamti em b'Yisrael. The role of the mother is to infuse her children with passion and emotional connection Hashem. When the Haggadah addresses the child too apathetic to even ask, it calls upon the mother to open him up —“at (feminine) pesach lo.” The commentators note that the role of the mother is to ignite the desire to learn, to connect, and to do the will of Hashem. Once this pathway is established, the father and teachers can teach and guide the child.

Rav Pincus, in his Sefer Ohel Miriam, notes that the role of the woman matches the description of the Beis Hamikdash, "the inner pulsating with love." When we think of the way we introduce young children to Yiddishkeit, it’s interesting to note that one of the first things we teach a pre-verbal child is to “kiss the mezuzah” or “kiss the sefer.” A mother’s passion opens the child’s heart to love of Torah and Hakadosh Baruch Hu. She teaches her children not simply how to make a brachah, but how to feel grateful to Hashem for the food He has given us. A father may teach the technical aspects of what’s permitted and forbidden on Shabbos; the mother will give her children the spiritual sense of entering into the Presence of Hashem for 24 hours.

One of the central themes of Shiras Devorah is the giving of the Torah on Har Sinai.  These two aspects were found at the giving of the Torah. The Torah was given amidst flames, as well as with a Heavenly voice emanating from above. The commentators explain that the “voice of Sinai” is the domain of the father, “the fire of Sinai” is the domain of the mother. As mothers it is our sacred mission to give over the warmth and passion of the “fire of Sinai.” Although this may sound daunting, it can be as simple as rephrasing ourselves: rather than, “I have to bentch now,” we can say, “I want to bentch now.”

Guiding Light

Devorah Haneviah herself had a role model. The Navi tells us that she judged the Jews sitting under the Tomer Devorah. The Daas Zekenim Mbaalei Hatosafos notes that this was no ordinary tree: it was the tree under which Devorah, the nurse maid of Rivka Imenu was buried.

Rav Zaitchik in Ohr Chadash explains the link between the two Devorahs. He notes that some commentators say that Rivka was 14 at the time of her marriage—she certainly did not need a nursemaid to accompany her! However, Devorah’s job was to be a guide and a teacher to Rivka Imenu. She taught her how to embrace the path of truth even in the face of adversity.

In choosing this setting in which to judge the people, Devorah Haneviah tapped into the inspiration of this great woman. She adopted the original Devorah’s persona of spiritual guide. Indeed, the Navi tells us that the people flocked to her from all over Israel.

Both of these great women model for us how important it is to guide and influence others—even if they are not our biological children. The commentators note that, like a mother, Devorah Haneviah worried about the people, had pity on them, and also rebuked them. Women have an innate ability to be nurturers and guides, and at times that influence extends far beyond the home.

Twisting Wicks

The commentators also highlight the imagery of the torch, and the ability to take wicks and unite them together to create a medium of manifesting fire. Likewise, Devorah Haneviah's calling was to take a disparate people and join them together to serve Hashem.

The Targum Yonasan sees in her Shirah a call to the people to recognize the specialness of Torah, and the consequences for abandoning it. The Shirah emphasizes how Hashem saves His people when they follow His ways. Devorah Haneviah understood that an integral job of a leader is to unify the people, and in this unified state help them connect to our calling as the servants of Hashem.

Women throughout the ages have been the impetus of redemption: we can strive to do the same by looking for opportunities to bring people together, and inspiring them to serve Hashem in unity, with greater passion and enthusiasm, paving the path to the future redemption.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 441)