Why do you act the way you do? What makes you so unique? Personality type systems can help you delve into these questions — and teach you a lot about everyone else in your life

“I’m an ESFP. What are you?”

“Oh, I’m an INTJ. I’m also a 4.”

To the uninitiated, this type of dialogue can seem like some sort of confusing code language. But for people who are familiar with personality type systems, these letter combinations and numbers are the key to gaining a clearer and deeper understanding of yourself and others.

Identifying Character Traits

You may have never heard of personality type systems, which methodically divide people into separate categories based on individual temperament. But, in fact, these systems are quite popular. And for good reason — it’s hard to resist the idea of a cheat sheet that can help you better understand your nature, from what motivates you to what makes you act in a particular manner.

The idea that there are distinct, innate differences in temperament actually dates back to ancient times. The Greek philosopher Plato was prominent among those who proposed four categories of people, each of who contribute to society in a unique way.

In more recent times, you might say that Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung is the father of personality type systems. In the 1920s, he suggested that people perceive and react to situations differently because they’re compelled by distinct, inborn personality traits.

The Myers-Briggs personality type system, created by the mother-daughter team of Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers, is an interpretation of Jung’s work. There are four pairs of opposing personality traits, for a total of eight traits, each of which is designated by a particular letter (see sidebar, “Which Type Are You?”).

Since then, numerous other personality systems have been developed. Psychologist David Keirsey created a variation of Myers-Briggs, called KTS-II, which focuses on four central temperaments. Another personality model, titled the “Big 5,” is arranged along similar lines, but includes an additional component to measure for emotional stability. The Enneagram, which supposedly stems from ancient origin, is a popular number-based model that includes nine basic personality types.

Love Thy Neighbor

Skeptics might pass these personality type systems off as just plain silly, but fans argue otherwise. “They help you understand why people are different from you,” says Rachel Landesman.* “You realize that people have different kochos and that’s not a good thing or a bad thing. That was a revelation to me. It helps you appreciate people more.”

Adds Rina Goldman,* “It’s natural to assume that most people function like you do.” But in reality, they don’t. And when we interact with contrasting personalities, what goes on in our heads isn’t so pretty: “We instinctively account for differences in others not as an expression of natural diversity, but in terms of flaw and affliction: others are different because they are sick, or stupid, or bad, or crazy,” explains Keirsey in his book Please Understand Me II.

Personality type systems can help counter these knee-jerk reactions. They “open your mind” says Rina, and provide “a mechanism for understanding others.”

A relative of mine once intoned, only half joking, “Expectations are the root of all evil.” They’re especially dangerous because they’re often based on how we would react to something — which can be the exact opposite of how our spouse or child might respond to the same situation. Using personality type systems to understand how people are different can help us eliminate (or at least lessen) unrealistic expectations and develop greater tolerance.

For example, Rachel’s husband is far more scheduled than she is. “He needs to leave for a flight a half hour earlier than I would need to leave,” she notes about this “J” side of his personality. Understanding this character difference has allowed her to accept her husband instead of thinking, “You’re nuts for wanting to be there so early.”

Knowing that people behave the way they do because they’re predisposed to particular behaviors can have a mind-altering impact on your feelings and performance in relationships. As an insightful teacher of mine noted, “If you’re walking on a street and a car drives by and, as a result, a rock flies up and hits you in the face, you’ll feel very differently than you would if an Arab picked up a rock and threw it at you.” Although the physical pain is equal in both scenarios, the emotional reaction is very different. If we can view the behaviors of others as manifestations of their innate personal issues, which are not intentionally aimed at hurting us, it can greatly enhance our emotional health.