| Words Unspoken |

Dear Seminary Teachers

They’re panicked about shidduchim. And the panic is contagious


Dear Seminary Teachers,

You’re the last in a truly impressive lineup.

Baruch Hashem, I’m the mother of daughters, the oldest of whom is currently studying for finals in one of your venerable institutions. My daughter has gone through the most fabulous educational system. She’s had dedicated, professional teachers from two-year-old playgroup through high school. These teachers worked tirelessly to impart Torah knowledge and instill passion in their students.

This year, she’s continued to receive stellar education in Eretz Yisrael. It’s been a year of growth in many ways.

I sincerely thank you for giving so much of yourselves, for taking my place over these past few months. My daughter has already shared with me some of her notes on Shir Hashirim and told me the new details she learned in halachah.

But I’m worried.

I’m worried because of what I see and of what I hear. I’m worried because I see the beautiful young girls who live on my block walk by. I’m worried when I hear the tefillos of the 19-year-olds davening in shul. I’m worried when I pass the capable young moros who are my colleagues at work.

These girls are all impressive. Beautiful, brilliant, kind, hardworking, and motivated, they all have incredible qualities that will, b’ezras Hashem, serve them well in their future roles as wives and mothers.

So why am I worried?

I see panic.

I hear panic.

I see the look in the girls’ eyes as they dance at a simchah. I overhear conversations between the girls and their mothers. Those mothers, my friends, confide in me how worried they and their daughters are.

They’re panicked about shidduchim. And the panic is contagious.

These girls have only recently left your classrooms and have either forgotten or missed out on something that’s the basis for them to begin their adult life.

And I wonder. Has my daughter imbibed bitachon from her parents and her teachers over the years? Has her year in Israel given her an extra dose so she can hold tight to it?

I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to those questions.

The parshah of shidduchim can be tough. I know Hashem has a timetable for each and every girl that only He is privy to. I daven with all my heart that all the women waiting to find their zivug will do so very soon. It’s heartbreaking to watch their pain.

But I’m saddened to see the young girls, fresh from seminary, beside themselves with worry that they haven’t found their zivug just yet.

I apologize, dear teachers, that I may not have instilled in my daughter enough of the bitachon that I work so hard to keep in my own heart. I apologize on behalf of the teachers who have been my partners all these years if they’ve been unable to cement it as well.

You have my daughter at this most precarious time — just before she enters the world. There are a few weeks left, during which they’re soaking in your direction and perspective. Please spend a good portion of this precious time instilling within them true faith in Hashem, and fortifying our daughters with something they’ll need more and more as they travel through adulthood.

With admiration and thanks,

Your Student's Parent


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