“I went to my neighbor’s house for Shabbos and I was blown away: her table was beautifully set with an original centerpiece she designed herself. The napkins contrasted with the tablecloth in a way I wouldn’t have dared to try but looked fantastic. Her salads contained foods I’ve never seen before! It was really amazing. But I’m never having her over to my house. My salad consists of lettuce cucumbers and tomatoes and while my table is set with plates and cutlery that’s about all I can say for it. I can’t compete with her.”

“Whenever I have a challenge I discuss it with my sister. She can come up with a creative solution within minutes. For some reason she can turn the problem on its head look at it from a new angle and see a solution I never could have envisioned. I wish I had her skill. My mind is so black and white. I can’t think outside the box at all.”

Gifted with Creativity

We all admire creative people. They boggle our minds and delight our senses. We feel awed and often wish that we had their talent. And since they often get such positive attention for their efforts we may even feel a bit jealous wishing that we ourselves could garner some of that recognition. Our old-fashioned chocolate chip cookies just don’t earn the accolades generated by our sister-in-law’s plum butter Linzer torte with its unique lattice topping. We fail to impress others but worst of all we fail to impress ourselves. We beat ourselves up for not being creative enough as if creativity were somehow a mitzvah or a measure of our personal worth.

Creativity is a gift from Hashem a trait that exists on a continuum in human beings. In this way it is not unlike the trait of intelligence. All people have intelligence but they have different kinds and different amounts of each kind. For instance someone may have “school” intelligence — the kind of smarts that earns top grades in academic settings. However that same person may have a much smaller amount of “people” smarts resulting in poor communication skills lack of empathy and other social deficits. People vary in their mechanical intelligence (how “smart” they are with their hands) their artistic intelligence their musical intelligence their technological intelligence and so on. Humor is another trait that varies in individuals. Some people are naturally quick-witted able to make rapid-fire comebacks and plays on words. Others may specialize in subtle ironic humor. Others are good at getting jokes but not at making them. And so on.

So it should come as no surprise that we all have different types and levels of creativity. If we need to be creative in our work our relationships or our kitchen in order to fulfill our life’s mission Hashem will see to it that we can be creative that way.

The Competition

Suppose that Hashem gifted your child with social intelligence but low creativity. Your child is sensitive to everyone’s feelings has great interpersonal skills and is virtually a walking ray of sunshine. However she can’t fold a napkin in half nicely let alone make fancy fanning fabric designs wrapped in hand-painted contrasting ribbon. Is she any less a person for her creative deficit? Obviously not. Someone else will bring joy to the world through innovative napkin designs and she will bring joy in her own wonderful way.

What should you say to this youngster when she complains that she is so untalented compared to Shoshi and Shani and Shaindy (the creative stars of her class)? Should you sign her up for creativity lessons to help improve her skills? Should you apologize for not modeling more creativity in the home? Should you encourage her to try harder? No no and no.

You should use emotional coaching — the technique of naming her feelings — and provide important information. For instance “I know it’s frustrating to see other people finding it so easy to be creative when you yourself can’t do the same sorts of things. I know you sometimes wish you could be like them and get all the lovely attention that they get for their efforts! I guess if Hashem would have wanted everyone to be the same with the same talents and skills He would have made us all that way. You know — if He only wanted roses in His garden then He would only have made one kind of flower! But Hashem loves variety all sorts of beautiful flowers and so He gives you a beautiful big heart and He gives others the special gifts that they have.”

And after you give this speech to your child turn around and give it to yourself. Accept and use the gifts that Hashem gave you and enjoy the talents of those around you.