Touch Base

Mrs. Batya Weinberg |

July 10, 2020

LAST UPDATED 3 years ago

Comments (18)

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Survive is a Big Word
3 years ago
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I came away from this article with the feeling that if you use resources outside the community for support, you’re doing something horrifying. How can you write that, when there are many situations when outside support is necessary, and your approach might keep people from getting the help they need to survive?
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  Batya Weinberg
  3 years ago
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  Survive is a big word. If we’re discussing life-threatening circumstances, or even a suspicion of danger, then outside agencies and resources can be necessary and may be the only way to get the intervention needed. If survival means “really, really hard,” but tachlis, you’ll survive, then it’s vital to get help and support, but please be careful where it comes from. We’ve seen time and again that when support comes from sources without appreciation for Torah values, it can cause an unfortunate breakdown of values and unravel our family fabric in ways that are often irreversible.
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It Just Depends
4 years ago
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The article about privacy versus sharing seemed to be full of internal contradictions and left me confused. Don’t be a faker but strangers shouldn’t know what you’re feeling by looking at you, share but don’t share too much, etc. While we made progress getting rid of stigmas, having topics that are kept low-key isn’t a bad thing, and lots of subjects traditionally kept private are healthier kept that way. Can you have it all?
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  Batya Weinberg
  3 years ago
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  You’re right that there are two sides to every coin, and it’s gratifying that someone understood what I was trying to say. It’s all about balance.
  Life is not black-and-white, and values are not one-dimensional or monolithic. There is no one- size-fits-all answer regarding when it’s proper to be more public and when not. Balance is confusing and takes lots of thought and practice. It’s not a matter of contradictions, though, but moving past absolutes to more nuanced reactions.
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Aiming for Aristoctratic
4 years ago
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Your article raised many important points. I was concerned at your opinion that mental health struggles should be kept private for “self-respect” and “dignity.” I wonder if you’d find it similarly inappropriate for a woman to mention that she’s on antibiotics for strep throat at PTA? Or painkillers for her back pain? Why is it any different for a woman to share that she sometimes needs an Ativan for her anxiety? It’s not, unless you believe that mental health issues are shameful.
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  Batya Weinberg
  3 years ago
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  Everyone struggles with something, and blaming oneself for life circumstances beyond our control is counterproductive. Still, you wouldn’t say to a stranger on the train, “Hi my name is Rachel, and I’m on antibiotics,” or walk into PTA moaning because you have strep. That’s also a lack of dignity even though there’s nothing shameful about strep, just as there’s nothing shameful about any of the other conditions you list. You would share it if there was a reason to. And the grounds for sharing would be less private than say, bipolar or an eating disorder, because a strep throat is more external, more technical, and therefore less private. As things touch closer to our internal selves, privacy is more in place.
  I’m hearing a question that touches on the difference between our physical selves and emotional selves — and our spiritual selves as well — and it’s hard to establish where one ends and the other begins. For example, being short-tempered is a bad middah and demands spiritual work, but sometimes just taking a nap will solve the problem. The Rambam explains that because the soul is ensconced in a body, these lines are blurred, so for example, there’s spiritual fatigue whereas the soul should never tire. You ask about the difference between back pain and anxiety. Anxiety has physiological, endocrinological roots, which is why it can be treated pharmaceutically. But an emotional challenge touches on our core selves far more than strep throat. Comparing strep throat and anxiety is to place our outer selves and inner selves on the same plane — and they’re not.
  A word about feeling discomfort when encountering a lack of propriety. We don’t only feel embarrassed when something is “shameful,” but also when things are inappropriate. If you get caught at a wedding in a slinky skirt and sweatshirt, you might be embarrassed. There’s nothing shameful about your attire, but it’s out of place. The idea that being private about something shows we’re ashamed of it is an unfortunate misconception. The sentiment to allow all topics to be public because we have nothing to be ashamed of reminds me of the let-it-all-hang-loose ’70s, when there was a trend to keep all the doors in the house permanently ajar, no matter how personal what went on there because “there’s nothing shameful about natural life.” True, but it’s not appropriate, so we close doors. Privacy doesn’t equal shame.
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Staying Tuned In
4 years ago
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I liked the idea of how music runs the danger of causing an artificial spiritual high. Often, during a kumzitz, there’s an intense atmosphere that makes everyone feel so good and connected. Yet if it doesn’t succeed in making an actual impact that leads to action, is there a purpose?
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  Batya Weinberg
  4 years ago
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  There was a lot of feedback on this point and I’d like to emphasize a different angle.
  You ask if there’s a point in pure emotion, and the answer is, very often, yes. Music and singing can spark a stronger connection to Hashem. Feelings have immense value, and if, at a kumzitz, a person feels that they want to be bigger, strive higher, reach deeper, then that’s profound and authentic.
  Love of G-d is a Torah mandated mitzvah, even if it never leads to further action. When music uncovers that connection, it is worthy. “Rachmana liba bai — Hashem wants our heart.” If a kumzitz gives you that, it’s not to be minimized. The mistake is when that incredible high lulls us to think we’re as great as we feel, without honestly assessing our growth and observance.
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Interludes and Interlopers
4 years ago
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I think the article on music was too forgiving of converting non-Jewish tunes. Yes, I know a lot of the chassidic courts and even Novardok took music from the outside world. Today, though, I think it’s different because it always runs the risk of remaining with old associations.
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  Batya Weinberg
  4 years ago
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  Even poskim who allow “converting” non-Jewish songs by changing the lyrics caution that if it causes you to remember and think about the inappropriate version, it’s ill-advised. Our discussion focused on Jewish composers who might not have intentionally injected their music with the hergesh you’re extracting from it. Or worse, as in the case discussed, what of a singer with inspirational compositions who is guilty of behavior that’s far from inspirational?
  There are those who are careful to only listen to music that comes from a holy and pure source and that’s commendable. But if the composition is beautiful, and inspires you, whatever the source, then it also can have value.
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A Whole Song and Dance
4 years ago
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You discussed staying away from secular lyrics in Hebrew, explaining that it’s a misuse of the letters used for prayer and learning, It got me thinking. I teach a dance and exercise class and only use Jewish music. But could using pesukim in songs as background for exercise be a misuse of Torah words?
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  Batya Weinberg
  4 years ago
  Reply
  
  “One who reads a pasuk of Shir Hashirim and makes it into a regular song, or (sings) a pasuk in a house of partying in an inappropriate time, brings evil to the world. The Torah wears sackcloth, stands before G-d, and says to Him: Master of the Universe! Your children have turned me into a harp to be played by mockers.” (Sanhedrin 101:a)
  There’s a real problem in using pesukim as a “harp” — as a means and not an end, or in a non-respectful way. This little-known aspect of halachah deserves attention in our musically flooded era. Generally speaking, if the tune is highlighting the pesukim rather than the pesukim just being background for the music, and you remain aware of the words, you avoid the problem. How you can ensure that when exercising is a mystery to me; perhaps you should stick to Jewish music that doesn’t utilize words from Torah or tefillah. Either way, being in touch with a halachic authority would be wise in this case.
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Beating the Odds
4 years ago
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I found your take on music to be austere and limiting. I love the beat of Arabic style music and find it to be very releasing. Is there any issue with that?
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  Batya Weinberg
  4 years ago
  Reply
  
  I’m gratified you understood my point. Beat is releasing, what it’s releasing becomes the question. Not everything that’s inside is supposed to come out, and if rhythm triggers lack of tzniyus in movement or inclination, we’ve got a problem.
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Going up the Scales
4 years ago
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I’ve always struggled with what “Jewish music” means. Everyone has an opinion and gets all emotional about it. I appreciated your definition of Jewish music as being music that makes me into a stronger Jew.
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  Batya Weinberg
  4 years ago
  Reply
  
  The parameters of “Jewish” are blurry to the point of being almost nonexistent when operating in gray, non-halachic areas. Sometimes people try forcing their music madreigah on others through intellectual discussion of right and wrong. This rarely works, and is hardly relevant, because song is so much an expression of who we are and what we feel. Our choices and taste evolve as we do.
  That said, in a blind listening test, would you be able to rate different songs and sounds as more or less conducive to holiness? I bet you could. So even in the ostensibly neutral areas of music, there are objective levels, although they’re hard to quantify.
  Regardless of our personal location on the Jewish map, we all live in a multicolored Jewish world with different sorts of people. Many ponder: Is madreigah dependent on where you are, or where you’ve come from and where you’re going? I.e. Is it about your current location or about the trajectory you’re on? This is a complex question and worthy of consideration.
  Philosophy aside, we can give ourselves credit for what we’ve subjectively accomplished, and simultaneously climb up an objective ladder of values. When it comes to music, as our religious commitment grows or we mature, our taste in music changes accordingly.
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Musical Strains
4 years ago
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I’m working on a project for Yad V’Shem about the musical aspect of the Holocaust, and the story about the siyum and singing in the DP camps struck me. The idea of the power of resuscitation through song is very inspiring.
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  Batya Weinberg
  4 years ago
  Reply
  
  Says another reader: “When you described music’s ability to revive, you missed the opportunity to recount the poignant moment in our tragic history when the Jews left Spain.”
  I thank you for the comment, and assure the other reader that it’s not too late.
  Andrés Bernáldez, a Spanish cleric in Seville and eyewitness to the events of the tragic Tishah B’Av of 1492, described the following:
  “They came out of the lands of their births, children, old and young… on foot… some falling, others rising, others dying, others being born, others becoming sick… and there was no pain (that we felt for) them… because they were invited to baptism… and the rabbis worked them up and made (them) sing and play tambourines.” (Excerpted and edited from Wikipedia.)
  The rabbanim, drawing on the power of music, instructed that even on Tishah B’Av, instruments be played to encourage the spirits of the expelled Jews, and strengthen their resolve to stay true to their values.
  Can’t we learn from them, and in our own daily challenges, use music and song that way too?

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