Building strong relationships with your clients or customers

H

ave you ever gone shopping for clothing with your teenager? What’s your most fervent wish as you step into the overheated, overcrowded store?

Please, Hashem, let us find something that she loves, that I don’t hate, and that won’t require taking out a second mortgage.

At that moment, all you want is to find that perfect outfit and to part with your hard-earned money. You want to be a customer.

A few hours later, while on a sales call with a potential client, you may find yourself feeling needy, justifying or apologizing for your prices, or pushing the sale too hard.

You’re forgetting the reality that customers want to purchase good products. And just as you happily part with your money when you find that elusive outfit that both you and teen love (or at least can live with) and feel grateful to the store owner who put you out of your shopping misery, so too the right customer will be eager to purchase your product.

Making this switch, from they’re doing me a favor to I’m offering them something valuable, is the first step in building strong relationships with your clients or customers.

Love Your Customer

“Love your customers” is how Tel Aviv–based attorney, economist, and business consultant Dr. Yaniv Zaid, best-selling author of 11 books including Persuade and Influence any Audience and The Jewish Persuasion, opened his recent half-day seminar with Temech women. “If you don’t love them, you shouldn’t be selling.”

He told the story of a woman who rented out several AirBnb vacation cottages.

“The phone is ringing off the hook,” she complained to him. “I’m booked back-to-back and never have a minute to breathe.”

“That’s the problem most people wish they had,” he told her. “And if you’re unhappy about it, it’s time to rethink things. People are paying a lot of money for these cottages. Why should they be greeted by a frowning owner who wishes they weren’t there?

“Maybe you need a vacation or something else that will refresh you. But if small shifts don’t help, consider closing down.”

Loving customers also means treating them gently and kindly.

“Years ago, the belief was that you needed to make the customer feel pain,” says Dr. Zaid. “You wanted to drive home how badly he’s doing and why he needs you and your solution.

“In 2024, that’s not the way to go. Now, we use inspiration, not desperation. Rather than letting him see how dire things are without your product, let him see a picture of how good they can be with your product.”

Zaid also recommends normalizing struggles. He quoted a talk show by a parenting expert. A mother was asking what to do about her six-year-old who couldn’t handle hearing no. Every time the mother refused her, the child would throw herself on the floor — even in public — and have a complete meltdown.

“Now, it’s tempting to tell the woman, ‘She’s acting like a toddler at age six. You’ve clearly spoiled her rotten, and she’s learned that she can get whatever she wants by throwing a tantrum.’

“But this parenting expert loved her customer and focused on the positive. She started by saying, ‘Tantrums are normal and happen in every home.’ This normalizes the issue and makes the questioner less ashamed of her dilemma.

“Next, she said, ‘Six is an age at which children test boundaries.’ Now, children test boundaries at every age, but this was another form of normalization.

“She went on to say, ‘Next time it happens, I suggest….’ This looks forward to the positive possibilities of the future rather than focusing on past mistakes.

“We should do the same on our sales calls. Normalize struggles and give your clients hope.”

Pinpointing Need

There are two types of customers: those with an acute need and those with a general need.

Imagine you sell accessories. One day, there’s a sudden torrential downpour, and a well-dressed woman rushes into your store, looking for an umbrella. That transaction will take just a few moments and will need no input from you.

An hour later, the skies are sunny, and another well-dressed woman enters. She flits around the shop, fingering scarves, browsing the bangles, pausing in front of your exhibit of cross-body bags.

She may just be filling time, but there’s a general need she wants to fill, or she wouldn’t have wandered into your store. In this case, you can help her sharpen her desire by asking questions.

“Are you looking for something dressy or casual? Do you want to match a particular outfit or get something that can match several pieces?”

If you’re offering educational courses and someone is asking about everything and anything, help her drill down to what her true need is: “Are you trying to improve your work skills? To develop an enjoyable hobby? To build social connections with like-minded women?”

Being the one who helps the client uncover what it is he actually wants will help build trust. Even if he discovers that what you’re offering isn’t currently right for him, when he does need what you sell, he’ll come back.

From Selling to Serving

In his best-selling classic, To Sell Is Human, Daniel H. Pink asserts that in modern times we need to move from selling to serving. This shift encompasses several elements.

First, our entire paradigm becomes an attempt to understand the other and discover what he needs most. Once we’ve done that, we aim to offer a targeted solution to his specific problem.

Second, it redefines the relationship style. You’re not trying to make a quick sale; you want to build a long-term relationship. In addition, the serving mindset positions the salesperson as a consultant rather than a pusher of products. In that role, the focus is on listening, diagnosing needs, and suggesting the ideal product or service.

This consultative approach emphasizes collaboration and partnership and will manifest in the following ways:

Transparency and honesty: Moving from selling to serving necessitates being up-front about what your product or service can and cannot do. It involves admitting when you don’t have the perfect solution and even recommending alternatives that might better meet the needs of the person you’re interacting with. Masa u’matan b’emunah is built into our patterns as Torah-observant Jews, but it’s actually become business advice!

Education and empowerment: Part of serving is educating others to make informed decisions. This approach respects the autonomy of the buyer or audience, providing them with the knowledge they need to make choices that are best for them. It’s a shift from persuasion to facilitation.

In his daily blog, author and marketing guru Seth Godin points out, “The most effective persuasion happens when we persuade ourselves. The purpose of the memo or the table or the graph or the presentation is to create the conditions for someone to make up their own minds. Because it’s almost impossible to make up their mind for them.”

He suggests offering the information — and then letting the other person make the connections.

Adaptability and flexibility: Instead of a one-size-fits-all sales pitch, embracing the serving approach means you’re prepared to tailor your products and services to meet each client’s specific needs and circumstances. My copy teacher Margo Aaron talks about the importance of connecting to a conversation that’s already taking place in your client’s mind, rather than trying to create a new conversation.

Outcome orientation: Finally, moving from selling to serving focuses on the outcome for the person being served. Success is measured not just by whether a sale was made, but by whether the interaction added value to the other person’s life or business.

Your VIP Customers

When it comes to sales, our mind usually jumps to new prospects. But Micha Shulem, a Rechovot-based business coach, tells us that the best source of business isn’t new customers but existing ones.

“Your strongest asset,” he asserts, “is your loyal customer base. I don’t mean ‘chance customers,’ the ones who happened to wander in and buy a single item — I mean the ones who come by again and again. They’re the ones you should be pouring your energy into.”

Shulem recommends finding out everything you can about them. “How much time and money do we spend trying to find out what our ideal customer wants? Why not just ask them?”

For those selling products, he recommends creating a VIP club. This group should be the first to hear about your sales; consider sending them a personal invitation when new stock arrives and offering them the opportunity to shop the new season’s items before you advertise it.

Then tap into their knowledge.

“Once you have a VIP group, you can ask them what they’d like. If you run a clothing store, explore. Do they want matching outfits? What aspects are most important to them in an outfit — quality fabric, ease of laundering, comfort, price, or something else? You can even send them images of several outfits you’re considering having made and ask them which they like best.”

What if you offer a service? First, review the list of the jobs you did the previous year and segment the list. You can do it by type of business or by type of services they use you for.

Next, write down a list of ten questions you’d love to ask your clients but never have. List the questions in order of importance, and edit them so they’re crystal clear. Send out the questionnaire, possibly with the offer of a free resource to be given upon completion, personalizing the resource for your different groups.

Last but not least, figure out how to analyze the data and find ways to implement your findings.

Make Promises — and Keep Them

This past year, due to inflation, we had to raise the price of our annual conference. It was still subsidized, but the price had jumped. We heard a low buzz of discontent.

Rather than ignore it and hope it would disappear, I addressed it head-on. I sent out an email to our entire mailing list that shared the following:

When I was little, I got Chanukah gelt and realized that money could be used to buy candy.

I got older and started babysitting. I discovered I could save my money and use it to purchase something big.

When I got even older, I learned that I could use my money to invest in something, and then it could grow and be worth so much more.

The Temech conference is an investment. It will give you actionable advice that will help you grow your business.

Ask yourself: “Do I think this conference will give me something that can earn me NIS 1,000 in the next six months?”

If the answer is “yes,” wonderful! That’s a 400% ROI on investment.

If you think the answer will be “no,” don’t come — unless you just want a fun time and a chance to socialize, which is also fine.

Framing it like this made a promise to our women: This conference will bring you a return on investment. It also made us accountable — once we made that promise, we worked hard to ensure that the material offered at the conference could actually lead to a jump in earnings.

Similarly, on a sales call, paint a picture of how your product can improve the client’s life. Make a promise — and then make sure to keep it.

We’re All in Sales

Traditionally, “sales” conjures an image of a fast-talking salesperson pushing products on unsuspecting customers. In To Sell Is Human, Daniel H. Pink argues that this narrow definition is outdated. In today’s world, almost every one of us must tap into the essence of sales: persuading another to take action.

That may look like a parent trying to convince his teen to change his study habits, an office worker convincing his boss to adopt a new initiative, or someone encouraging his friend to try a new restaurant. All these people need to “sell” their approach, and they can use modern sales techniques to have a better chance at success.

Back in the day, marketing books spoke about the ABC of sales: Always Be Closing — the goal was to hustle and constantly be closing deals. Pink has updated the ABCs to be a better match for a world in which information is abundant, and the balance of power between buyers and sellers has dramatically shifted. His ABCs are Attunement, Buoyancy, and Clarity.

Attunement refers to the ability to step outside your own experience and try to understand the emotions, motivations, and perspectives of others. It involves active listening, empathy, and tailoring your approach based on understanding the other person’s situation, desires, and potential objections. This leads to stronger relationships and trust.

Buoyancy is about maintaining a positive, resilient attitude in the face of inevitable rejections. It’s the ability to stay motivated and optimistic, learn from failures by reframing negative outcomes, focus on progress over perfection, and maintain a growth mindset. Buoyancy sustains enthusiasm and creativity, which is necessary for long-term success.

Clarity is about distilling complex information into actionable insights, helping others see their situation in new ways, identifying problems they hadn’t realized, and presenting straightforward, compelling solutions. Clarity makes messages engaging and memorable, empowering others by giving them the information they need to tackle their challenges.

No matter what your role, aim for attunement, buoyancy, and clarity when trying to convince someone.

Five Common Sales Call Mistakes

Rivky Gellis from Beit Shemesh, a sales coach and Temech workshop moderator, outlines the sales call bloopers we often make:

Mistake: Going in Unprepared

How to Avoid: Before you head out on a long trip, you check the gas and oil in your car. Similarly, check your mental and emotional readiness before picking up the phone. For a productive call, you want energy and focus. If you’re not feeling it, take a moment to do something that will help you shift gears. Even if they can’t see you, your vibe sets the tone for the call.

Mistake: Doing All the Talking

How to Avoid: It’s a common myth that sales are about pitching. In reality, the magic lies in listening. Make sure you have a pen and paper or digital note-taking tools to capture key points your potential customer shares. This info is gold for tailoring your pitch.

Mistake: Neglecting Personal Touch

How to Avoid: Always start by getting the customer’s name (including how they pronounce it). Then, sprinkle it into the conversation. It will make the interaction feel more personal and keep the customer engaged.

Mistake: Sticking to Your Comfort Zone

How to Avoid: Comfort might feel nice, but it’s a creativity killer. Whether you’re making calls from a cozy home office or behind a store counter, challenge yourself to step out — physically and metaphorically. Ditch the pajamas for professional attire (yes, shoes included), sit up straight, and make sure there are no distracting screens nearby.

Mistake: Delaying Follow-Up

How to Avoid: In the sales world, timing can be everything. Aim to respond to inquiries within 24 hours — better yet, within minutes if you can. Some fear it will make them look desperate, but in reality, quick follow-up shows you’re attentive and value the customer. If an immediate response isn’t possible, a quick acknowledgment via email or SMS goes a long way in maintaining interest and trust.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1005)