From kiddush tables to classroom prizes, frum life is saturated with sweets. Can we rethink our sugar-filled celebrations and classrooms?

I grew up in a health-conscious household. We had fruit leather, not fruit roll-ups. Whole wheat bread, not white. Water, not juice. That worked just fine until I got to kindergarten. After the first birthday celebration in school, my mother received a phone call from my teacher.

“Your daughter did something unusual today — after the party she went around to everyone’s cupcakes and licked off whatever frosting was left.”

My mom was horrified and promptly incorporated more sweets into our family diet.

Just as my mother experienced, we’re up against a lot when we try to eat healthfully, but society around us doesn’t do the same. This is especially so in frum circles, where sugar, snacks, and sweet treats are the norm — in our cookbooks, at our simchahs, and in many of our classrooms.

Communal Norms

The way we eat is culturally driven. Brendel Plonka, a registered dietitian nutritionist in private practice in Baltimore, and who is active in research on pediatric obesity, has noticed how her clients who attend public school don’t eat between breakfast and lunchtime, but among her frum clients, there is a noticeable culture of snacking. There is also evidence, mainly from Israel, indicating that the frum community eats more sugary foods and consumes less fruit and vegetables than the general population.

“There are tremendous amounts of sugar at a kiddush or vort, not just in the sweets, but also the salad dressings, even the sesame chicken,” says Michal Mermelstein, a party planner in Brooklyn. “If you’re planning on eating at a kiddush and you’re watching yourself or you’re counting calories, just forget it. It’s not happening.”

Mermelstein will often put out candy to distract children from the more expensive miniatures. “Those miniatures, they’re not exactly health food. They’re expensive and people aren’t even touching them as much, and yet we all feel like we need to have them.”

At upsherens and kiddushim, Mermelstein sees both tremendous sugar and tremendous waste. There are the custom pops, custom fondant cookies, candy that’s served at the décor table, pekelach boxes. “Then you have this huge cake, which oftentimes, goes right into the garbage.”

Mermelstein has gotten a lot of requests for gluten-free, but no one has ever requested a lower-sugar menu.

Ruchie Eisner, a party planner in Lakewood, recalls how even at a kiddush she made for a nutritionist, there were sweets. “There was definitely a healthier selection, more fruits, more salad, but she didn’t want there to be zero nosh. She wanted to have something for the kids to take, even if it’s a cookie,” says Eisner.

She’s noticed there’s a trend away from cakes and cookies toward hot food. “But I don’t know if it’s coming from the no sugar thing, or maybe just because people enjoy it more,” says Eisner. “And the food itself isn’t healthy — we’re talking sesame chicken or potato kugel.”

Fruit tarts are also very popular, even though they have a lot of margarine and sugar. “You don’t feel like you’re eating margarine-heavy chocolate cake. It gives the impression of something healthier, even if it’s not really,” says Eisner. Both party planners noted that Acai bowls were becoming popular, which is definitely a move in the right direction.

A couple of years ago, Eisner attended a family aufruf in Antwerp. “They had real food: Fish, liver, chicken, sushi, salads, and fruits. There were a few cakes and minis, but they were clearly not the focal point. It was fascinating to me.

“The only reason I do big cakes is because they have staying power. If someone comes later on in the simchah, those cakes are still going to be there, even if most of the other food has gone.”