You can replace anxious thoughts with calming ones

Is there such a thing as a “born worrier?”

Yes! The tendency to ruminate on anxiety-provoking thoughts seems to be an inherited characteristic. However, it isn’t the “worry gene” that keeps adults busy anticipating disasters.

“As a little kid, I used to worry a lot about whether my parents would die, even though I never knew anyone who died! In elementary school, I used to worry about my marks, and in high school I obsessed about whether people liked me. But it wasn’t until I got older that I became a serious worrier, and once I had kids, my worrying got out of control.”

In general, we get better at what we do. “Practice makes perfect.” Worrying is the perfected skill of imagining unpleasant outcomes. If a loved one is 15 minutes late, surely he or she must be lying unconscious in a ditch somewhere.

Although worriers often feel like “it’s just me, I can’t help it,” in fact there is often a volitional quality to the habit. People who dwell on the negative sometimes hold on to the belief that doing so might actually prevent bad things from happening. “Worrying is how I keep my family safe; I worry about them day and night. If I didn’t, who knows what terrible things might happen?”

Similarly, worriers might feel that their anxious thoughts keep the plane aloft (“If I worry about it, then it won’t happen. But if I relax and let my guard down, maybe the plane will fall!”) or ward off illness, pain, and suffering. Because of this faith in its magical properties, worrying isn’t always something that a person wants to stop doing.

Worry Gone Awry

The problem is that worry can, when left to its own devices, spiral out of control. When this happens, a person no longer enjoys the protective properties of anxious rumination, and instead becomes its victim. Excessive worry releases too much stress chemistry into the body, and this can lead to physical problems such as sleep difficulties, muscle tension, nausea, dizziness, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, irritability and other uncomfortable symptoms. Over time, actual illness can develop.

In addition, the mental and emotional toll of worry increases as worry increases, fraying nerves and impacting work and personal relationships, while disrupting concentration and problem-solving abilities. A sense of impending doom and feelings of panic that arise out of excessive chronic worry may lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as avoidance or unhealthy forms of self-medication and substance abuse.

Even medical help can be problematic. Overuse of anti-anxiety pills (benzodiazepines) may provide temporary relief at the cost of possible serious side-effects. Antidepressant medications used to reduce anxiety can also produce side-effects, and recent research raises questions about their effectiveness. So far, medication can’t be counted on exclusively to routinely cure anxiety, rumination, and worry; what’s needed is a multipronged approach.

New and Improved Brains

Fortunately, chronic worriers can rewire their brains for calmer, happier functioning. “Outside helpers” such as medications, micronutrients, vitamins, herbs, essential oils, and so on can certainly be part of the worrier’s toolkit. Daily exercise and lifestyle adjustments (making time for relaxation, sleep, socialization, creativity, etc.) really do help brain chemistry. And self-help or professional help for brain-change strategies is essential for changing the brain’s tendency to focus on what could go wrong.

Elements of this latter strategy can be implemented right away, while more in-depth understanding and interventions can be acquired over time. All you have to understand for now is that the brain is watching and recording and repeating whatever you do. Therefore, when you imagine that something unpleasant might happen, the brain records how you do this and then uses that technique again and again.

If you don’t like the results of worrying, you need to replace that type of imagining with something else, because you can replace your wiring, but you can’t erase it! Therefore, when facing an ambiguous situation, practice your replacement strategy. Simply imagine a good ending. Do that again and again so that your brain will develop that habit.

Don’t worry about believing your good story. Your diligence will develop a brain with an increased tendency to imagine good things, and you will consequently produce a steady supply of good chemistry. This means you’ll no longer have a cortisol-poisoned system, and you can literally live happily ever after!

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 766)