Being the rav of a shul where many of the members are BTs (baalei teshuvah) with a mix of some FFBs (frum from birth) has its own unique set of challenges of issues not found on the communal agendas of Boro Park.

For instance a baal teshuvah couple asked me what to name their new daughter as their grandmother was recently deceased. “What was her name?” I asked.

“Her name was Hanna” the new mother responded.

I looked at them and wondered if this was a trick question. After all you don’t need Shlomo HaMelech to answer this question.

“Why not name her Chana?” I asked. “After all Chana was probably her ‘real’ name.”

“Oh no that will never do” they both said quite emphatically.

I was wondering if the other grandmother was named Chana but they answered my unspoken question and said no other relative was named Chana.

“So why not name her Chana?”

After looking at me as if I wasn’t really a rabbi they indulged me and answered “We can never give any of our children a name with a ‘ches’ sound. After all we want the child’s grandparent to be able to pronounce her name properly. ‘Chana’ will never do.”

For some reason I don’t think too many rabbis in Williamsburg have to take this into consideration.

I’m also a rabbi who gets just as many sh’eilos for Thanksgiving as I do for Pesach.

Queries such as “Can I eat my mother-in-law’s turkey if she burned out the oven for only one hour?” Or “If we bring our own turkey can we eat it on my mother’s china which she said is from her grandmother who was so religious she only spoke Yiddish?” Or “We’re vegetarians and my in-laws are ‘not-yet-frum’; can we eat our chalav Yisrael yogurts at the same table with their ‘not-yet-kosher-turkey’?”

There are so many questions about dealing with parents and grandparents who have televisions and open Internet connections. And what about siblings and their children? How does one balance family togetherness with Torah values and limitations?

However there is a different side as well. There is a certain pristine complete and total acceptance by the baal teshuvah of the psak of the rav. There are no agendas or preconceived notions of what should be done; rather there’s a refreshing thirst to do what is right and a refreshing embrace of Torah. This makes the job of the rav so worthwhile and wonderful.

Recently Baruch (name changed) asked me a question with the sincerity and innocence of a child searching for the truth.

“Rabbi can I ask you something that has been bothering me for a long time?”

“Of course Baruch you can ask me anything you want” I answered.

“Is there some sort of secret about how to ‘speed bentsch’ that only frum-from-birth people know? I mean I just don’t see any other way to explain the fact that every time I’m invited to an FFB family for a Shabbos meal somehow they’re always finished with all of the bentsching before I’ve even completed the first two paragraphs! Is there some hush-hush abridged version of bentsching only known to people who grew up in Flatbush or Monsey? Either they have a shorter version or I’m saying too much. Rabbi please tell me the secret.”

I looked at Baruch and said “Baruch if there’s any secret to know about bentsching you’re the one who’s been entrusted with it. Please never give it up.”