Play therapist Michal Burnham teaches parents how to do simple play therapy on their own

Let’s play a word-association game. When I say “therapy,” what picture comes to mind? The cynical among us (guilty as charged) may be visualizing a softly lit room, a deep couch, and a therapist with intense eyes staring at us, trying to penetrate the depths of our souls.

Not really?

Okay, next round: Let’s try play therapy. Here, even the cynics among us relax, picturing young children, Playmobil, dolls, and markers. Still, this is taking place in a clinic (with possibly a hefty sum forked over at the end of  the session).

Now take the kids, the toys, and the drawing implements, (sorry, not the check) and transplant them to your living room. With you as the therapist. Sound impossible? Michal Burnham MA, guidance counselor, parenting mentor, ACT, and play therapist living in Petach Tikvah, is trying to change that.

Michal, who studied play therapy in Bar-Ilan University, is building on what she learned by teaching parents the principles of play therapy. The idea is revolutionary but simple: Instead of paying a professional for a session once a week, why not have the parent, who’s with the child all the time and so much more available for the spillover, do the work instead?

“Psychologists today agree that working with parents is the quickest, most direct, and straightforward way of helping children,” Michal says. While it’s true a professional may be more skilled, the parent is the one who will actually be there when the child has a meltdown and refuses to go into the shower.

“When a parent knows how to handle her child’s power struggle, contain and accept his strong feelings, and can set boundaries without engaging in conflict, that’s where the real therapeutic work takes place,” she says.

In a series of workshops, she teaches parents how they can utilize focused playtime with their children to help them flourish.

Parent’s Place

It isn’t as simple as plunking the Lego down on the floor and sitting down with our kids (though there’s no underestimating that either!).  And if the child is suffering from trauma or serious emotional issues, the parent-as-therapist wouldn’t replace therapeutic work with a psychologist or qualified mental health professional. But there are times when a child is exhibiting emotional difficulties that seem to call for professional intervention,  where the parent, with proper professional guidance, can do the work with the child herself.

“The idea is that rather than the child working with a professional in what can be a long process,” explains Michal, “the parent works with the professional on behalf of their child. This involves a much shorter time with the therapist herself, as a parent doesn’t actually get therapy from the professional, it’s more like a tutorial to learn the principles of play therapy.”

She qualifies though, that parents who want to provide this kind of therapeutic experience for their child need to be emotionally centered and available for their children. When parents come to her, interested in starting the process of helping their children, she always clarifies that they have to have the emotional space for this (i.e., that they aren’t experiencing their own emotional overwhelm), and they must be open to strengthening their relationship with their child, making change if necessary.

“Make it fun. Bring a snack,” says Michal. She shares an account of the time she ran a group in a special-ed kindergarten. The children’s teacher sat on her chair, shoulders tight and back rigid, and Michal could see there was no way she was ready to let go and join in the work she wanted to do with the group.

“What do you like in your coffee?” she asked the teacher. After that, each time she came to lead a group session, she’d first prepare the teacher a coffee. So, Keurig before kiddy time.

Parents need to do whatever it takes to get themselves relaxed, so they have room to contain their children’s experiences and whatever they choose to bring up during the play session.

What role does play have in our kids’ lives? Children live in two worlds, Michal explains. There’s the world we see and are part of, “get up, get dressed, go to school, do your homework, go to bed.” Then there’s the world of the child’s imagination, where he fantasizes about how he would like things to be. Through play, a child bridges those two worlds and opens a window to his inner landscape, affording us a view of how he feels about his experiences and how the events of his day are filtered through his mind.