Bad Fit
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et’s all — every single one of us — take an advanced (20-year) course in auto mechanics. We’ll start while barely out of diapers and continue our study until well into adulthood attending classes all day every day for most of every year (don’t worry — there will be a few days off here and there). For those of us who aren’t naturally inclined toward car mechanics tutors will be provided and with extra work we can all succeed.
Oh wait — I hear a few objections coming in. I’ll read them out to you along with my answers:
1. “What if I don’t like auto mechanics? How will I be able to survive the 20-year program?” That’s a very good question. Unfortunately in order to succeed in life every adult needs to be thoroughly familiar with auto mechanics. If you don’t like it you’ll just have to endure it until you graduate.
2. “What if I’m not inclined toward auto mechanics? What if my brain just doesn’t grasp those concepts and my hands won’t do the work involved?” Another good question. As I said with extra study and effort you’ll eventually improve. Just keep at it.
3. “What if my talents and interests lie elsewhere? What if I’m a natural artist musician writer farmer teacher entrepreneur or healer?” That’s not a problem at all. You’ll find that the study of auto mechanics will help you succeed in all of those fields and you can start studying them after you graduate.
4. “What if I find the study of auto mechanics to be torturous? Can you add other subjects to the program so I can have a chance to do what I’m interested in and good at?” Sorry there isn’t much time in the schedule.
5. “What if I just can’t succeed in the study of auto mechanics?” Unfortunately failure in this endeavor will set you on a very bad course for life — you may even find yourself an outcast from society.
One Size Fits All
The above scenario highlights a ridiculous example: turning every single one of us into experts in auto mechanics through an enforced 20-year curriculum. It’s so easy for us to see what’s wrong with such an idea. We can understand that some students don’t have the “auto mechanic mind.” Do you have that kind of mind?
We know that students are individuals each with their own learning styles strengths and weaknesses interests abilities and personalities. And yet we put all little children into a mandatory education system for a couple of decades where they face a naturally limited curriculum. We do it not because we are heartless but because we are sincerely trying to prepare them for life.
Our goals make perfect sense. But our strategies do not. Some children can’t sit at a desk all day; they need to be physically active. Some can’t listen all day; they need to explore with their hands and senses. Some have learning challenges or information processing challenges social challenges or emotional challenges. Some are too smart creative or energetic for school. And yet there they all are there they must be and there they must stay for a very long time. While the structure of school its curriculum and its style is very well-suited to a percentage of students it is a very poor fit for many others.
Square Pegs
Everyone wants their child (or rather all their children) to be a really good fit for school the kind of youngster who will not only thrive but will actually excel in the academic environment. But when Hashem gives you a child who doesn’t fit well into school your job as a parent is to support that child in his struggle.
Keeping in mind that the poor fit isn’t his fault help him to negotiate his enforced schooling as successfully as possible. Look for extracurricular venues and opportunities for self-expression and achievement. Express understanding rather than blame. Look for creative ways to repackage materials for a more personalized fit.
Continuously stress his innate and acquired competencies so that he has a chance to perceive himself as a successful adequate human being despite the fact that school isn’t a good fit for him.
And most importantly employ those words actions interventions and activities that will help your school-challenged child enter adulthood experiencing himself as a good Jew and as a valued and valuable member of society.
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