“What rooms are we in, Ma?” Avi asked when all the luggage had been unloaded and dumped in the hallway.

“You’re in Ruthy’s room, and the kids are in the purple room next door. Yehuda and Chaya, you’re in the other two rooms, and Zevi and Mendy will be in their own rooms when they come home.”

Even though Dina got the best rooms, she still didn’t look happy. I was very sorry if our house wasn’t good enough for her royal majesty.

I hated giving up my room for Dina. Chaya on the other hand was always so grateful and she always made a point of leaving behind a small treat with a thank-you note when she left. Not that I needed the chocolates or treats, but it was nice to know that if I had to move out of my bedroom and squish in with my younger siblings for two weeks, my efforts were appreciated.

Unlike Dina, who never even thanked me. In fact, from the way she acted, you would think she was doing me a favor by taking over my room. On Succos, her kids had torn up some of my books. When I complained to Dina, she hadn’t apologized, and even told me bluntly that she couldn’t be responsible for whatever I left out in the room. There was no use complaining to Avi. He always stood up for his wife, however ridiculous she was being. He used to be my favorite big brother but ever since his marriage to Dina he’d lost that position.

Not anymore, the voice in my head said. Positive thinking. We’re not harping on old gripes. We’re trying to improve things. Easier said than done. Still, I was determined to make it work. So I banished all my old hurt and resentments, and cheerfully offered to carry their suitcases up the two flights of stairs. I was pleasantly surprised when Dina even thanked me for my efforts. Hey. Maybe she was also trying.

Late that night, my mother and Chaya were busy discussing their plans for the following day. “I would love to hit the mall tomorrow and buy my kids’ summer wardrobe,” Chaya said.

“Hey, I can babysit your kids while you go shopping,” I offered eagerly.

Chaya’s eyes lit up at my offer. “That would be a real treat,” she said. But then she hesitated. “Are you sure you want to be stuck looking after my little ones for the better part of the day? And also, I don’t want to take your help away from Ma. With so many extra things to do before Yom Tov, I’m sure she needs your help now more than ever.”

“Don’t worry,” my mother reassured her, “Ruthy has been waiting to take your kids out and show them off to all her friends. And about the helping, we’ll figure that out between us. You enjoy.”

It took a bit more convincing, but Chaya eventually accepted the offer while thanking me profusely. Avi happened to walk into the kitchen just as we were finalizing the deal, and he quickly jumped on the bandwagon. “If you’re babysitting tomorrow anyway, you can look after Aryeh and Michoel, too. Then Dina can get together with her friend without the kids hanging onto her skirt.”

“I don’t know if I can handle so many kids,” I said, though we both knew it was a lame excuse.

“No playing favorites here,” Avi said. “If you’re looking after Dassy and Elisheva, then you can look after my kids, too.”

With his attitude, anyone would understand why I wasn’t interested in watching his kids.

“Bye, kids,” Dina said the next day as she prepared to go out. “Make sure Ruthy lets you have fun in the park.”

I bristled at the implied implication. Not even a thank-you for giving up my free afternoon so that she could have fun with her friend.

Don’t take it personally, I tried to tell myself. That’s just her way of speaking. But it was hard not to.

I met up with my friend Raizy, who had volunteered to take her younger siblings out and we spent the afternoon pushing kids on the swings, giving out snacks, and kissing boo-boos.

“The kids look like they had an amazing time,” Chaya said, thanking me effusively when she got back. Dina just about managed a curt thank-you.

Pesach finally arrived. The men were in shul and us womenfolk were sitting and schmoozing. Except for Dina who was busy reading in her room while we all chatted. Couldn’t she make an effort to be part of the family? I wondered, irritated at her absence.

Yom Tov was beautiful, and on the first day of Chol Hamoed — my mother’s birthday — we all went out besides Avi and Dina who stayed behind to set up with my married sister Basya (who lived locally and had prepared the food, with my help!).

When we arrived home (my father was in charge of delaying my mother) I was stunned. The table looked spectacular. When Avi had volunteered Dina to be in charge of the decor, I figured she’d do a half-hearted job and pick up some basic plasticware. But she’d clearly gone all out.

I complimented her and her response was genuine. For the first time, she seemed happy to be talking to me. Apparently, the day I had looked after her kids, she had gone shopping with her friend, who is a professional party planner, to buy everything for Ma’s party.

Dina was less reserved during the party and I could see she was making an effort to join in the family conversation instead of just talking to Avi.

The party was a turning point. I won’t say our relationship had a complete overhaul and we were suddenly best buddies (far from it), but I could see she was slowly thawing. Like when I joined Dina on the couch one day and instead of disappearing she made polite conversation with me for a few minutes. Or when she made the effort to thank me warmly after I babysat her kids one Yom Tov afternoon.

There were still lots of things Dina did and said that annoyed me but these incidents gave me encouragement to keep exuding friendliness toward her.

Relationships can be complicated.

Some are effortless (like my relationship with Chaya).

Others are harder.

I was happy that I listened to my father and gave my relationship with Dina another sincere try. After all, she’s part of the family. And there’s something special when family gets along.

(Originally featured in Teen Pages, Issue 956)