As the excitement of the yomim tovim winds down yeshiva bachurim throughout the globe look with anticipation towards the commencement of the winter zman. And while Torah is learned across the four corners of the world no place seems to attract as much attention as the yeshiva "matzav" in Eretz Yisroel. In what has become a tradition over the past few decades thousands of boys travel to the Holy Land each year to take advantage of the fact that avira de’arah machkim (the air in Eretz Yisrael makes one wise).

These boys come from a variety of backgrounds scores of communities and a multitude of yeshivos and schools. Those from the more yeshivisheh batei medrashim join some of the world-renowned yeshivos hoping to take the depth of their learning to a new level. Others fresh out of high school seek to develop their skills in Gemara and meforshim. Still others look forward to touring the Land of Our Fathers while becoming familiar with Torah and basic halacha and hashkafa and to being exposed to the religious lifestyle.

Within this spectrum of boys lies a group of bachurim whose time in Eretz Yisroel will include one of the most life-altering experiences possible - and they may not even be aware of it.

I am speaking about boys who will for the very first time enter psychological therapy.

While it is difficult to obtain statistics in the frum world – and especially in the yeshiva world -- even a preliminary investigation shows that a considerable percentage of students (single and married) studying in Eretz Yisrael require some form of professional help. In fact a director of an extremely busy medical referral agency says that nearly 25% of calls that the agency receives in their Israel office are from Americans or Europeans seeking assistance with mental or emotional health issues.

These issues range from low self-esteem dystemia (low-level depression) or low-level anxieties to the more serious obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) bipolar disorder schizophrenia and a variety of addictions. While all of these issues must be addressed the former may not require professional therapeutic services and can often be dealt with successfully in a standard yeshiva setting. (Although a proper diagnosis is always important even if the ultimate decision will be to deal with it internally). Those stricken with more serious disorders require skilled care including work with experienced therapists and in many cases medication.

But why in Eretz Yisrael? Why should a boy who has never been in therapy before suddenly need to see a professional while there?

In both my roles – as rebbi and therapist -- one of the points that I stress is the need to take responsibility for our actions. On a basic level this means for instance that a bachur who is having difficulty conforming to his yeshiva's rules has to accept the fact that he decided to learn in that particular yeshiva knowing its restrictions and that he can either accept those rules and remain where he is or move on. On a much deeper level each partner in a marriage needs to accept responsibility that they decided to marry one another and perhaps to have children and they will be held accountable for decisions they are making regarding their marriage and the chinuch of their children.

Similarly a boy who is having a difficult time in putting in a productive day due to depression or another disorder needs to accept the fact that the he is the only one who can choose to take steps towards improving his situation.   

Experienced counselors know that a turning point in successful therapeutic intervention is when the client begins to take responsibility. And Eretz Yisrael for a variety of reasons seems to be that watershed moment in many bachurim’s lives; even those who showed symptoms in America but did not go for therapy begin to do so here. Why?

1. Seeking Growth. Boys generally come to Eretz Yisroel with a goal an objective: to grow. As one bachur said "Everyone comes to Israel to get away from something and to start anew!”  It seems that what that "something" is makes not a whit of a difference: the mindset of growth tends to foster the willingness to enter therapy.
2. Change of Setting. While in America boys often study in yeshivos and high schools in proximity to their homes. For such boys the trip to Eretz Yisrael also means experiencing dorm life for the first time. Just as physically handicapped people set up their homes to accommodate their needs people with emotional disorders adjust their home environment to allow them to cope with their issues. A family with a child suffering from OCD will accept his unique  behaviors and will allow to arrange his bedroom – if not the entire house – to accommodate his disorder. Similarly while at home a teenager with extreme anxiety can avoid social interaction and remain in the safety of his family. 

In a dormitory a boy must integrate and interact with roommates on a personal level and they don’t necessarily get to “call the shots”. It is not surprising then that many boys suddenly feel a need to deal with their disorders and will be willing to invest the emotional energy required to cure themselves of the issues that plague them.

On a deeper level whena boy leaves home to come to Eretz Yisroel he’s not just boarding a plane. While most boys come to Eretz Yisrael to grow all boys who land here far away from their parents have gained freedom. Freedom includes the opportunity to explore vistas previously unavailable to them to think “out of the box” -- in a healthy sense. Boys will therefore consider entering therapy -- which due to societal norms – may not have been tolerated in his former environment.

1. Age. Post-high school age is the time that boys begin to regard their future from a more meaningful perspective. A boy from a more liberal Orthodox background once remarked that high school was all about having fun without taking life seriously. And while such a boy may come to Eretz Yisrael planning to "party" he realizes that he must also begin to think about the future. This point is even more significant for bachurim coming to learn in the larger yeshivos when they are already in their early 20's with shidduchim right around the bend. Such boys will often take the initiative to straighten out their issues before considering the commitment of marriage.
2. Rebbi-Talmid Relationship. Perhaps the most important factor that leads to  bachurim to enter therapy for the first time is the unique Rebbi-Talmid relationship that develops specifically in Eretz Yisroel. I have found that many referrals – and often even the first call to set up an appointment -- come from a concerned rebbi of a bachur. In many cases the boy's rebbi even accepts financial responsibility for the visits to the therapist.

There are a few reasons why the rebbi-talmid relationship is stronger in Eretz Yisrael. First of all anyone who lives or learns in Eretz Yisroel for a prolonged period understands the meaning of the word "chutznik" or "Amerikai". They have many connotations and side effects one of which is to foster a feeling of fraternity amongst "our own" -- i.e. English speakers. Bachurim will feel more comfortable sharing their feeling and thoughts once that bond has been established.

In addition with natural parents at such a distance rebbeim often fill a parental role for their talmidim tending not only to their spiritual wellbeing but to their physical and emotional welfare as well. Should parents feel displaced I would emphasize that there is nothing as wonderful as a healthy parent-child relationship. But there are problems that a bachur cannot share with his parents due to shame or due to the role they play in that problem. A strong bond with his rebbi will allow a bochur to let his guard down and express his difficulties in life and specifically those he has dealt with at home. And a rebbi can be more objective than a parent and guide his student without the frustration and unhealthy feelings that natural parents might feel toward their own childrens’ problems. As the foundations of such a relationship are fortified and trust is built between the two the ability to suggest therapy and help the student continue life on a healthier track becomes much simpler. And the large measure of responsibility the rebbi displays towards his talmidim will inspire the bachur to accept his share of responsibility to help himself by meeting a therapist.

Friends ask how I handle listening to people's troubles over and over. True sitting in the therapists chair requires me to connect to the pain fears and struggles of my clients. Yet it is also presents me with a unique opportunity: the chance to witness how much strength and determination these boys have to accept upon themselves to straighten out their lives. It also allows me to see the love and concern that parents have for their children putting their own interests to protect their family image aside in favor of helping their sons.

Finally when working with yeshiva boys I find myself overwhelmed by the amount of love responsibility and sacrifice rebbeim have for Hashem's children.

As the winter zman gets under way may all our young men see siyata d’Shmaya in all areas of growth in Torah and middos and to find the the stamina to fulfill all of the commitments they made during Yamim Noraim. And may those who need it find the strength and responsibility to tend to their emotional needs as well.

Rabbi Nesanel (Volvey) Rand is a rebbi in Mikdash Melech Yerushalaim since 1991. He is a certified family therapist who counsels couples and yeshiva boys in private practice specializing in anxieties OCD and depression. He is also the director of the Yeshuos Yaakov Hotline a free servce for advice and referrals on issues ranging from shalom bayis to emotional disorders. Rabbi Rand can be reached at yeshuosyaakov@gmail.com.