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When I became a young child riding a duck I yelled to the midwife that I’m 30 years old and completely normal.

But my speech was slow and slurred and she just patted my arm kindly pitifully and said it’s okay. Only it wasn’t.

Each time I close my eyes to enjoy a delicious kimpeturin nap the image of me riding atop a black-and-white dog invades my thoughts. That’s how I got my precious baby into this world. As a dog kicking and barking and trying to bite. I was completely normal am completely normal. All it took was a little liquid in the IV line and I was reduced to a hallucinating lunatic scaring the wits out of my husband midwife and nurses.

I thought I knew what to expect when giving birth. I’d done it three times and I could do it a fourth. It was a simple enough sequence: contractions epidural birth love. But this time around none of this worked. After months of incessant merciless nausea and migraines I had no veins left for an IV line to get some hydration. After consulting with our rav and doctor we scheduled an induction.

Then the doubts set in. I was tired of headaches and I’ve heard plenty of stories about epidural-induced headaches. I got a sudden fear of an epidural. But Pitocin can be ruthless and my pain-tolerance level wasn’t very high to begin with. So when the doctor mentioned Stadol a narcotic offered to relieve labor pain it seemed like a wonderful idea. All I had to do was close my eyes and let it overtake me.

The first few minutes were blissful. Relief and a deep tiredness overtook my senses and I almost joined the rest of the world slumbering peacefully. That is until my brain started fighting the medication and my subconscious started intellectualizing and resisting the effects of grogginess with… hallucinations.