Nothing brings more clarity than your friend dating the boy you considered. Usually, just the idea alone is enough

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

Naomi had gone out with Daniel three times, and she was head over heels.

“I think this is it,” she gushed. “I know, I know, you’re going to say ‘it’s too early to tell, take it slow.’ ”

I laughed. “You’re really getting to know me if you can already predict what I’m going to say.”

“No, Mrs. Leiman, it’s because I cut out every single one of your stories and read them over and over. They really helped me. Now that I’m talking to you in person, I see that you sound just like your articles!”

It’s humbling to realize the impact you can have on another person — even someone you don’t know exists. I thank Hashem daily for giving me the opportunity to help.

“Anyway, back to you, Naomi. When are you available for your next date?”

“Can you see if Daniel is available on Wednesday? I can’t wait much longer!”

But when Naomi called me on Wednesday night, I could immediately detect the apprehension in her voice.

“How was your date?”

She sounded deflated. “Well… I don’t know. Daniel shared information with me that most people aren’t privy to.”

I tried not to wince.

It seemed that Daniel’s perfect-looking family wasn’t so perfect after all. Although the family was Modern Orthodox, Daniel had learned for three years in Eretz Yisrael and moved much more to the right. His fourth and fifth post-high school years learning were spent in the Mir, and now he was part of a chaburah going for semichah in BMG.

Naomi had known all that, and she was fine with it. But now Daniel had shared some of the difficulties he faced with his family. His parents had dreamed all their lives of their only son going to law school. His metamorphosis into a Lakewood boy had not gone over well.

I listened intently as Naomi’s voice grew more strained. “Mrs. Leiman, I really don’t feel comfortable with this. I can’t imagine having a husband who is the black sheep of his family. They aren’t going to be happy if he marries a girl like me. They treat him with a lot of disapproval as it is. He told me it’s a real challenge for him. I just can’t imagine…” she trailed off.

“I hear you loud and clear, Naomi. That’s not a comfortable place for anyone to be.” I paused. “And it definitely shatters your vision of having a great relationship with your potential future in-laws.”