“It sounds like you don’t know how to evaluate if the boy you’re meeting is a good fit for you”

Everyone was attracted to Shira’s personality She was always laughing, always positive.

“But I’m not a flake,” she reminded me, her smile taking any edge off her words. “I just love being with people.”

There was something else about Shira that stood out. Hashem had blessed her with a natural beauty. She had striking blue eyes and jet-black hair, and a perpetual glowing white smile.

So why was Shira 25 and still single?

I was surprised that Shira seemed to know the answer. “I love meeting new people, I love making new friends, I just connect easily with everyone I meet.” She twisted some hair around her finger. “I’ll tell you what happens. I always say no after the first date. It’s like I’m afraid to let it develop. I just feel like, how do I know who’s right for me? I like everyone, everyone likes me. So I just say no.”

“It sounds like you don’t know how to evaluate if the boy you’re meeting is a good fit for you.”

She nodded vigorously. “Yes, exactly.”

“Do you know what kind of person you want to marry?”

“Um, I mean, I think so…”

“I want you to write down three to four ‘top’ qualities that you feel are must-haves. Then add a few more, until you have about ten qualities you’d like in a spouse. When you meet someone, evaluate whether they meet your criteria. If they have at least the top four, and hopefully more, that’s a good reason to say yes and continue dating.”

Shira frowned, thinking. “How can I tell if they have the qualities I want?”

“That’s a good question. Let’s talk about date one and two, the nonnegotiable consecutive first dates—”

Shira paused. “Nonnegotiable?”