Can we stem our urge to spread tragic news?

Photos: MDA, Family archives

“Why are you publicizing this? I’m his wife and no one told me yet!”

These words were typed this Chol Hamoed Pesach, moments after a horrific car accident in which Reb Chaim Har-Kessef of Bnei Brak was killed. They were typed by a woman during the most desperate moments of her life. They were typed in blood, and time will tell whether they can effect any change in a communal trend of instantly posting, sharing, and spreading news that can wreak terrible damage.

“I was there when the accident happened,” Mrs. Revital Har-Kessef tells Mishpacha. The family had taken two cars, and Revital, her son and daughter-in-law  were in the other car, when she saw her husband — a beloved Hatzolah volunteer and baal chesed  — lose control of the wheel and slam into a stone wall in a tunnel near Yokneam. Everything stopped. Her older son jumped out and began CPR on his father, while they waited for rescue forces to arrive. The professionals took over, and she recited Tehillim in icy fear. Then her phone pinged. Someone had apparently deemed it very important to report that Chaim Har-Kessef had been killed in the accident.

“I saw what was going on and I heard the terms the EMTs were using. Because Chaim himself was a volunteer in rescue organizations for many years, I understood what it meant. Still, I continued saying Tehillim — I’m a believing Jews and I know that there is always hope. But then someone posted a message clearly stating that he was dead. I have no idea how a person is capable of posting such information during such a fragile, sensitive time.”

She pauses and clarifies: “I know that this trend exists. I’ve heard of cases where people discovered the loss of their loved ones through such posts. I found it horrific. But then it happened to me and I felt the pain firsthand. And it wasn’t just me — my oldest son, who hadn’t come along on the trip, was heading for the hospital. I told him the situation was critical, but I was so afraid he’d learn the truth the same way — which is what ended up happening.

“That’s why I decided — maybe if I speak out openly and honestly, people will take it to heart.”