"Everyone keeps asking me if I look forward to seeing him again, and I don’t really feel like I do!”

As told to Zivia Reischer

"My name is Yael Green,” said the girl on the other end of the line. “You don’t know me, but I really need your help.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Yael launched into her story. “I’m 23. I’ve been dating for around three years,” she said. “I finally found a boy who’s everything I want, and we went out eight times already. I can’t find any reason not to get engaged, but I just don’t feel that… you know… excitement that everyone talks about. My parents think that means he’s not right for me. If he were The One, then I wouldn’t feel so…” She searched for the word. “Pareve. I’m not pareve, really. I like him and I think he’s far more suitable than any other boy I ever met. But it’s true that I’m not ‘excited.’ ”

I could hear the distress in her voice. “Slow down,” I told her. “First tell me a little about yourself and the boy you’re dating. I want to hear about your personality and dating style in general, and how the dating progressed while you’ve been going out with this boy specifically.”

“Okay.” She paused to collect her thoughts. “Here goes. His name is Naftali. He grew up in the Five Towns. His father is a businessman, his mother doesn’t work, he’s the oldest boy in the family. He’s outgoing, charismatic, articulate, worldly, considerate, caring, has depth, and is serious about learning. He plans to go into computer science eventually.

“We’ve had great discussions on all kinds of hashkafah topics, politics, science, and history. We’re both intellectually curious, so we never run out of things to talk about. We have common interests, and we see eye to eye on the important things. We definitely enjoy each other’s company.

“I’m from Brooklyn, went to Bais Yaakov. I had a really great year in seminary. I’m in Touro for PA, almost finished my degree. I enjoy reading nonfiction, history, and science. But I also enjoy hanging out with friends — I love a deep conversation, but I also like having fun.”

I noted what Yael seemed to prioritize — she spoke about her schooling and intellectual pursuits before mentioning family or friends.