“Korach the son of Izhar the son of Kehas the son of Levi took [himself to one side] along with Dassan and Aviram…” (Bamidbar 16:1) What led Korach to quarrel with Moshe? Midrash Tanchuma says that Korach was jealous of the position of Elitzafan ben Uziel whom Moshe appointed as nasi of Bnei Kehas by the directive of Hashem. (Rashi Bamidbar 16:1)
My neighbor knocked on my door this afternoon. Eager and bright-eyed she invited me upstairs to see her recent renovations. The last of the workmen left today and she was excited to share a glimpse of her shining new kitchen and expansive balcony. I’m happy for her good fortune and told her that I’d come up as soon as I’d finish giving my kids supper.
But after supper I had to put up a load of laundry and fold the previous load. Then there was a really urgent phone call to make and a sink full of dishes… The floor was really sticky and I couldn’t bring myself to walk out the front door without doing a quick mopping first…
It wasn’t very flattering but deep down I knew the truth. It was all a bunch of excuses. Bottom line: I didn’t want to see my neighbor’s new kitchen. She invested an enormous amount of time and money into it and she’s the type who achieves perfection in whatever she does.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested. Just the opposite — I was too interested! So much so that I spent a long time washing my floor. When I finished I noticed that it was really late… Oh well! Guess I’d have to go visit her tomorrow.
Tomorrow? mocked my inner voice. Tomorrow you will no longer care anymore how nice her kitchen is? Tomorrow you’ll no longer be smitten by jealousy and an inferiority complex? What’s going to change tomorrow?
On the pasuk “Jealousy is the rot of the bones” (Mishlei 14:30) the Gemara (Shabbos 152b) comments: “Jealousy attacks the core of a person and eats away at his essence.” Why is that? Jealousy is an expression of the loss of individuality. As long as a person feels that “the world was created for me ” there’s no room for jealousy. Such a person is confident in his unique mission in this world. Only when a person sees himself as “one of the crowd” will he compare himself to his friends and be jealous of them. (Rav Y. Goldwasser Yitzpon Layesharim Tushiya)
How’s it possible not to be jealous?
Even if I redid my kitchen I’d never achieve my neighbor’s flair for fashion. No matter what I do there’ll always be more successful people around me. There’ll always be someone who teaches better has more patience with her children and who’s an incredible housekeeper. I know there are others who daven more do more chesed and rarely speak a word of lashon hara.
I try so hard in so many areas. But everywhere I turn there’s someone who surpasses me! So how am I supposed to avoid jealousy?
The root of the sickness of jealousy is that the one who is jealous doesn’t feel his uniqueness and individuality. Therefore he is punished measure for measure — he loses his essence in his lifetime. Furthermore when he dies anything he achieved or whatever distinguished him is swallowed in the ground together with him for eternity. (ibid.)
We each have our own individual plan in this world. A plan that was tailor-made Above to fit each one of our unique personalities.
A day will come when there won’t be anything left of my kitchen or my tiny balcony. At the end of days no one is going to ask how successful I was at my job and how much money I made. Yet a day will come when we’ll each be asked if we fulfilled our personal role. Did we use our talents and tools properly? Did we look inside ourselves to contemplate the Divine Plan unique to us or were we too busy looking at everyone else?
I went up to visit my neighbor. Her kitchen was stunning but jealousy didn’t strike. I knew that her kitchen isn’t mine. Her Divine Plan is for her alone. And I have a plan that’s all my own.