“My parents think I need a ‘dating coach,’” she said sardonically. “Like I’m doing something wrong”

Shani Neiman with Zivia Reischer

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t’s hard,” Naomi told me. “Every summer, the seminary girls come back, and we hire a few for my department. It’s tough to watch all these young girls waltz into the office, work for a few months or a year, and before you know it, they’re wearing a ring, then a sheitel, and then maternity. Most of me is happy for them, but the other part can’t help but feel sad for myself. Is my turn ever going to come?”

I could hear the melancholy in her voice. But then her tone changed.

“My parents think I need a ‘dating coach,’” she said sardonically. “Like I’m doing something wrong.”

“It’s very common for people to need coaching,” I said.

“That’s what they said. But they managed to get married without it!”

“Let me tell you a little about the coaching process,” I offered. “‘Coach’ is just a fancy word for ‘guide.’ A coach will guide you through each stage of the dating process — what to expect, how to prepare, what your role is, what you should look out for.

“A coach can help you understand and interpret what you see and experience as you date, and guide you with things like how to develop an emotional connection and how to be vulnerable in a relationship. Most of all, a coach can help you do all this calmly, without anxiety. How does that sound?”

“You make it sound so simple,” she said, a little bitterly.

My heart went out to her. “Naomi, I completely understand your skepticism. I’d probably feel the same way if I were in your place. I have two married children of my own, and eight more to marry off, b’ezras Hashem. It’s clear to me that coaching is a necessary part of the dating process today.