The annual explosion of dairy recipes for Shavuos has come and gone. The recipes are all colorful original and tasty but as they say in Yinglish “Enough already!” I like cheesecake and blintzes as much as anybody but Maamad Har Sinai is in danger of being flooded by the onrush of milchig recipes. It may come as a shock but imbibing dairy meals on Shavuos is not a ticket into Heaven though increasing one’s Torah studies and mitzvah performance might help a bit.
But here too: Enough already! Although there is much to say about the Jewish belly trumping the Jewish soul I had determined to remain silent because having by now achieved a questionable notoriety due to our unwelcome grumblings about overdone Purim mishloach manos and overemphasis on Pesach hotel physicality I had promised myself not to add to this column’s curmudgeonly reputation by a Sisyphean attempt to rein in the creeping dominance of Shavuos food. I even resisted the temptation to lament how the People of the Book had become the People of the Cookbook.
But now a new Shavuos menu has intruded itself into my consciousness and it simply cannot be ignored. A fascinating multicolored notice bestrides my computer screen. Atop the notice is a rendering of a mountain obviously Sinai at whose foot stand a multitude of people — appropriate enough for Shavuos. But wait:
The message of the ad reads: “Shavuos Night Learning With Delicious Sushi Chinese Food & Midnight BBQ.” Beneath this announcement are three pictures — sushi and Chinese food and barbecue. Underneath these three delicacies this declaration: “We will explore the essence of the Ten Commandments in depth.” At the bottom is the contact information for the sponsoring (Orthodox) synagogue. (To protect its good name let us say it is located somewhere west of Chicago.)
All of which is a prime candidate for a satiric column a sitting duck just begging to be hit. And yet in all fairness the sponsors are trying to attract a certain clientele who would never show up if they were offered only Chumash and Rashi and Ramban and davening at 4:30 a.m. plus occasional black coffee and cookies. So this is an attempt to bring a new type of patron into shul with the hope that even if they come for less than holy reasons perhaps somehow the evening’s teachings will have a spiritual impact.
Maybe maybe not. But my sense is that the potential clientele will not commit to an all-night Shavuos session without clear answers to the following questions:
1. Can I have sushi and BBQ and Chinese or must I choose only one of the three?
2. Will the BBQ be available all night or just at a certain hour?
3. Is attendance at the study sessions mandatory or could I just eat the sushi and go home?
4. If I don’t attend Maariv that night can I still come to the food part?
5. How long will the study sessions be? Will you allow enough time for the food?
6. There is no mention of beverages. Could you like serve Chinese herbal tea just to maintain the spirit of the evening?
7. The food sounds great but sessions about the Ten Commandments are kind of old hat. Why not try a brand-new subject like the mystical relationship between Chinese food which comes from an ancient culture and the Ten Commandments which also come from an ancient culture. This could dovetail with a session about the connections between the Japanese sushi the American BBQ the Chinese food and say anti-Semitism. Could be a big draw.
8. If this is a religious organization where is the Shavuos cheesecake? I know dairy with meat is a no-no for some people but with an all-nighter there is ample time for both no?
P.S. This sounds like a real fun evening. You guys are really on the ball. Maybe you could use your influence to change some of those other shuls. No offense but if for all Jewish holidays they would cut down all those prayers and rituals and ceremonies and get right to the good food their shuls would be packed with people like me. Anyway please do answer my questions because I sure would like to be with you and help you celebrate. —