For nearly three decades, seminary in Eretz Yisrael has been the de facto route for thousands of graduating seniors from across the United States. But as families grow larger and money gets tighter, are things beginning to change?

Rabbi Tuvia Vinitsky was a realist: there was no way he could afford to send his daughter to Eretz Yisrael. But the Chicago web developer and middle-class father of five also knew the pressure would be immense.

“So we made a pact,” he says in a phone interview. “Nine other fathers and I — we all didn’t have the means, at least without neglecting day school obligations, so we agreed to stick to our guns and reinforce each other.”

Come registration time, however, Rabbi Vinitsky was left in the cold. Only one other father kept his word.

“One father shook his head in defeat and told me, ‘my daughter threw a fit like you never saw,’” recalls Rabbi Vinitsky.

Attending seminary in Eretz Yisrael today has become au fait, a near compulsory step for thousands of girls for whom the experience is nothing less than transformational. What began in the 1960’s as an unpopular option for idealistic young women has morphed into a cottage industry, attracting about 85 percent of graduating girls from 70 high schools across the United States.

“I don’t think I would’ve conceived of living my current lifestyle had I not gone to seminary in Israel,” says Miriam Gitlin, a mother of six who’s made the Holy Land her home. She says that even more impactful than the learning (which was certainly beneficial) was the regular experience of being hosted on Shabbos by an assortment of deeply committed families. “I saw people whose lives literally revolved around Torah and halachah. Their backgrounds were similar to mine, but they were happily living without lots of things I took for granted. That was a huge eye-opener.”

But as tuition for seminary in Eretz Yisrael creeps steadily higher each year  — along with ever-rising financial shidduch expectations — stretched-too-thin parents are beginning to reevaluate the trend. Is seminary appropriate for all girls? What are the benefits? What are the risks? And can local institutions offer comparable — but fiscally viable —alternatives?

Seminary: What’s the Purpose?

Whether in the Holy Land or chutz la’aretz, most educators agree that the seminary year is vital.

“Girls are not ready to build a Jewish home straight out of grade 12,” says Rabbi Shneur Aisenstark, who has served as principal of Montreal’s Bais Yaakov for nearly 50 years. “There’s a wholeness that develops in the seminary year; the growth is significant.”

Jerusalem-based Me’ohr Bais Yaakov Seminary menahel Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald points out that the majority of girls today are not graduating high school inspired. “They’re leaving frum, but they don’t have the inspiration that can carry them through difficult times.”

Far more than 13^th grade, seminary is a transition year, transforming students from youthful schoolgirls into receptive adults.

“A high school student is not prepared to hear things like a girl who’s completed the system,” says Rebbetzin Ruthy Assaf, founder and principal of V’At Alis, a popular Brooklyn seminary.

Rebbetzin Assaf’s program, for one, places heavy emphasis on marriage preparation and relationship tools, offering courses like Tanach-based binyan habayis, psychology, and communication skills. These classes, she explains, are not offered in most high schools simply because the girls aren’t yet ready for them.

If the goal, then, is a changeover year in which girls can acquire greater self-awareness and vital tools for life’s next stage, many mechanchim feel there is no better place to accomplish that than Eretz Yisrael.

“The air is different; it is avirah demachkim,” says Rabbi Michoel Green, overseas director of Bnot Torah/Sharfman’s in Jerusalem. “Chazal tell us that nothing can compare to growth that takes place in Eretz Yisrael.”

He stresses that at Sharfman’s, it’s not just about an “incredible” experience, or an enthralling chavaya. “We don’t believe in simply offering the ‘greatest year ever’; we believe in empowering our students to forever move in a positive direction. This is about the future.”

Others point out additional advantages of seminary in Israel: total immersion in a Torah-centered lifestyle, and exposure to families who live in extraordinary simplicity for the sake of ideals.

“The dedication of bnei Torah in Eretz Yisrael is exquisite,” says Rabbi Greenwald. “In this more connected culture, girls have a chance to connect to something deeper inside themselves.”

Minus the distractions and the malls, girls can see themselves from a fresh point of view. They can reassess priorities and appreciate values their parents have always held dear but may have struggled to fully instill due to the secular world’s deification of “stuff.”

“When girls are out of their comfort zone, in a dormitory with no car in a foreign country, and learning beautiful, intelligent lessons each day from exceptional people, the inspiration can be life-altering,” he says.

The Cookie Cutter Problem

Few would contest Rabbi Greenwald’s statement. But is the “life-altering” experience for everyone?

No, asserts Rebbetzin Assaf. “I would never propagate anything against Eretz Yisrael, but any time you create a one-size-fits-all chinuch model, you have a problem.”

Some girls are not cut out for spending a full year away from home, she says. It takes them months to adjust, and even when they manage to overcome the severest period of homesickness, they never feel happily settled.

Other girls find the pressure of Shabbos placements unbearable. While seminary administrations will always provide back-up accommodations, some parents argue that girls don’t always find these arrangements satisfactory: they often wind up feeling out of place and uncomfortable—physically, emotionally, or both.

Devorah, a mother of seven who attended a “top” Eretz Yisrael seminary, is not planning on sending her own daughters away. She’d like them to spend a short time in Eretz Yisrael and then study locally.

“A dorm is an unnatural situation, and the lack of supervision is not for everyone,” she says. “A year is too long to be away from home at such a crucial, vulnerable time in life.”

Seminary offers independence in abundance, and Rebbetzin Assaf says parents must be certain that their daughters have the skills to use it wisely. “What happens with all that free time? Does everyone know how to handle it?”

Rabbi Tuvia and Mrs. Shana Vinitsky are currently working to found a local seminary option for girls from the Windy City (they began efforts prior to the failed “pact”). Articulate activists both, the couple believes the Eretz Yisrael independence boon is overrated at best, counterproductive at worst.

“Dropping a previously sheltered girl 6,000 miles from home in order to become independent is analogous to tossing a non-swimmer into the deep end of the pool,” Shana says. “It may work, but it's a lot more stressful on everyone.”

Independence and responsibility, the couple contends, are best gained in incremental steps starting at a young age. There are plenty of ways to encourage those traits without spending thousands of dollars.

Matti, a Lakewood mother who attended seminary ten years ago, feels the wealth of free time caused her to make poor choices.

“No one really kept tabs on us, so I often went to my grandma's apartment to watch TV—and I know I wasn't the only one. Schoolwork was too easy, and there was no structure for downtime. The mall was officially off-limits, but girls from our school were always there. It was like a year-long camp experience, only more laid back.”

To provide girls with a seminary option closer to home, Rebbetzin Aviva Feiner, rebbetzin of The White Shul in Far Rockaway, opened Machon Basya Rochel seminary in Far Rockaway in 2011 at the behest of several local parents. A resident of Israel and seminary teacher for close to 10 years prior to returning to the United States, Rebbetzin Feiner has seen many girls—even “Bais Yaakov” types—fall prey to the freedom, sometimes getting involved in inappropriate relationships.

Seminaries themselves acknowledge the risks—but contend that if the right safeguards are in place, the potential is unparalleled. “As with any chinuch decision, parents have to choose a school that takes physical and personal safety seriously,” advises Rabbi Michoel Green from Sharfman’s. “They should ask to review the school’s conduct policy; they should ensure the faculty makes itself easily accessible to parents.”

Shana Aaronson, a Ramat Beit Shemesh mother of three and a social services coordinator for Magen, an Israel-based child protection organization, recently created Project Shomreini, which offers conduct code templates to seminaries. She says that while safety issues are a concern—and parents must be discerning when choosing a seminary—it would be a shame to throw out the baby with the bathwater.