Like a domino effect conflict promotes more conflict. Likewise peace promotes more peace. So the first step in averting outbursts is to create an undercurrent of peaceful energy in your marriage. When couples are in a positive cycle they are far less likely to argue blame find fault or squabble over small things. However when the cycle is in a negative phase every dirty cup and three-minute delay becomes fodder for a full-out battle. Here are practical ways to cultivate a peaceful energy between you and your spouse: Make Date Nights Nonnegotiable When people are in a negative cycle they try to dodge each other rather than arrange date nights. But this is when it’s most important to spend quality time together. If you haven’t already done so designate a certain night of the week for just the two of you. Inside the house or out you need at least a couple of hours to relax talk and to simply enjoy each other’s company. Don’t use this time to discuss issues of any kind (e.g. kids finances in-laws work). Children should also be taught that this is your important alone time together and they aren’t welcome to interrupt it. If you and your spouse don’t enjoy the same things create an area of common ground. Develop a hobby together learn something together or work on a project together. What if you can’t bear being alone with your spouse? Force yourself to maintain your “date” but make it shorter and less personal than you might otherwise. For instance go out shopping together for something you need for the house or stay at home and play a short board game. Such activities don’t require a lot of personal connection but it does keep the relationship alive. Being together despite the current marital strain also serves as a good reminder that the marriage will carry on through this challenging stage.