Our initial article garnered a deluge of thoughtful responses, as women shared their feelings and journeys. Here are some of their voices

The Pink Dress

Eliana Cline

I never, ever buy myself clothes. It’s a combination of no-time-no-money-maybe-I’ll-magically-be-thinner-and-fit-into-everything feelings.

But I was desperate.

So, when I had an hour to spare in Rosebank the other day, I sauntered into The Space, an artsy-trendy-incense-burning clothes shop I adore. After drooling over the racks of glorious clothing, I took two of the same style dresses to try on. One was black, and one was a light pink, floral, whimsical material. I tried on the black one first and came out to the central mirror to have a proper look. It was pretty and comfortable.

Another lady was there, also trying on dresses, and examining herself in front of the mirror.

I went back and tried on the pink dress. The woman was still there. We smiled awkwardly at each other, then she told me, “The black dress was more flattering.”

She said this from a place of kindness. And if this had happened two years ago, I would have grabbed the black dress and paid for it.

But not now.

For the very first time in my life, being thin is no longer my ultimate goal. Looking skinny is not the ideal compliment I can receive. The need to look thin, and be thin, no longer drives my choices. I’ve learned to aim for something higher than the lowest number on the scale.

I bought the pink dress.

Modest Assumption

A.T.

“Smoke and Mirrors” gave us pause to reflect and generated much discussion. The subject pained me especially, as I recalled a conversation I’d had some time ago.

I’m grateful to be involved in kiruv, and “Sarah,” the young, very bright professional I was learning with, was eagerly absorbing Torah. We discussed the concepts of tzniyus, how downplaying our externals helps us become aware of our internal essence, how external beauty may enhance but doesn’t define us — of how indeed the concept of tzniyus does not apply if there is no core of kedushah within.

Sarah was so moved by this perspective, which was in such marked contrast to the mores of the world in which she lived. These ideas resonated profoundly with her.

“Wow!” she said to me. “So all of the women who keep these laws of modesty must have such a healthy and real sense of self!”

Her words hit me hard, and left me feeling saddened. I wonder: Are we indeed absorbing the messages the halachos of tzniyus are meant to convey? Sadly, your article, and the documented evidence of higher incidences of eating disorders in our community, suggests that we aren’t. We’ve been given such a wonderful system, why can’t we avail ourselves of it?