"I get that she’s down because she’s single, but this kind of attitude is going to make sure she stays single!"

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

"Please talk to Dassi,” Meira Kornreich begged. “We can’t continue like this.”

“What’s going on?”

“Everything’s fine,” she said quickly. “I mean, you know, basically fine. She does what she’s supposed to do, she gets up on time and davens and does her chesed and goes to work. But she said it herself, she feels like her life lacks meaning. And that’s with all the davening and chesed and shiurim! You need to help her.”

“It doesn’t sound like she needs a shadchan—”

“She does,” Mrs. Kornreich interrupted me, “because it’s really affecting her dating. I get that she’s down because she’s single, but this kind of attitude is going to make sure she stays single! And you know she’s not really a negative person. This is so not like her….”

I decided to check in with Dassi.

“All I do is work,” she said, and I heard the bitterness her mother was so worried about. “What’s the point of it? I went to school, got a degree, and a good job, all so I could support someone sitting and learning. Well, the chance of that happening is looking less and less likely every day.”

Dassi was 24, and all her friends were long married. Some people would say she was “already 24” and some people would say she was “only 24,” but the bottom line was that she felt totally alone. Her mother thought she was depressed, but I thought she just desperately wanted to be married, like all her friends.

“It must be so frustrating for you to be stuck like this,” I told her. “I’m sure you never dreamed that you’d be the single one, the last one left standing when all your friends were married. That’s really hard. It’s hard not to feel bad for yourself.”

I heard her suck in a breath. “Thanks for saying that,” Dassi said quietly. “Most people tell me to grow up and be happy for my friends and work on my bitachon.”

Well, that would depress anyone.