The pressure is on.

Both adults and children face full-packed schedules every day. Even Shabbos is highly structured and typically offers true respite only in the form of a brief nap. When one is awake one is davening learning entertaining looking after children serving cleaning up — some people actually find Shabbos one of the busiest days of all.

Different Ways of Being

Some people (children teens and adults) thrive with tight schedules. Their motors run from dawn ’till midnight on full blast. They love the constant stimulation and are nourished by it. Every moment is productively occupied with mitzvos and a variety of important activities; they are always on-task. They are of course in the minority.

Most people push themselves hard — they try to do what they’re supposed to do as much as possible. However they feel the strain. They experience physical mental and/or emotional fatigue on and off throughout the day. Some of these children and adults will get minor illnesses that force them to rest; some will carry on indefinitely but with irritability anxiety or low mood.

Then there are the people who feel truly squeezed. The demanding sometimes relentless schedule of the frum lifestyle is hard on them. Children with school days that never end adults with financial burdens that boggle the mind parents with children peeping out of every crack and crevice — many people find it hard to manage not so much because of personal weakness as the simple fact that it is hard to manage!

Unlike those who can force themselves to plod on despite the pressure this group may be more sensitive to the effects of sustained stress. Perhaps their own natures and nervous systems crave more space or rest or variety. Perhaps they naturally move more slowly need more time. Or perhaps they get more intensely overwhelmed when the to-do list is running off the page.  Whatever it is that makes it especially hard for them the struggle to keep up eventually knocks them down. In one way or another they just stop trying.

Downtime

We don’t live in a one-size-fits-all world. While some people need very little or no downtime at all others need regular breaks in order to refresh and reenergize. If this latter group cannot get off the roller coaster they find themselves on they will eventually suffer in the form of unexplained chronic illness disorders of anxiety and depression interpersonal conflict challenges with religious observance inability to serve Hashem b’simchah and other sometimes devastating reactions to intense stress.

Yet many people feel that the need for downtime suggests a major personal failing. They might consider it a “waste of time” failing to realize that a few minutes of relaxation distraction or variety might fuel them for many more hours of serious work. Refusing to indulge in this “waste of time” may in some cases lead to a much larger loss of productive activity in the end.

Teens particularly need to be directed to appropriate activities for downtime. Leaving them without any acceptable form of refreshment can result in the development of unhealthy stress-reduction habits or searching out inappropriate pastimes. The question all parents must be able to answer is “What can a child or teen do for a healthy break?” What can anyone do who feels the need for brief diversions?

All for the Good

Hashem implants talents interests and abilities in everyone. A young man who loves to learn all of his waking hours has a special gift that he will no doubt utilize. However another young man may find that he needs to take learning breaks in order to maintain long hours of concentration. What should he do in that time? Leaving him to smoke or sleep is irresponsible. He needs to be shown how to find kosher activities that are appropriate enjoyable and energizing — activities that he can use throughout his life. His parents and his rav need to help him in this regard. Similarly adults need to direct their downtime in positive ways — ways that enhance and strengthen their Yiddishkeit while contributing to increased energy and joy in living.

For some a few daily minutes of physical activity (exercise dancing juggling) may be all that’s needed. For others a few minutes of mental stimulation (reading Sudoku) will do the trick. But while personal interests and hobbies may provide the basis for personal stress relief they can also become venues for contributing to the community. An avid reader might become a popular writer. A talented baker might take her products into the community. A gifted musician may become a valuable contributor to local simchahs and events. Those who do crafts may donate their wares to gemachs and charities.

Being proactive in establishing healthy downtime activities can help people of every age prevent the destructive effects of poorly managed stress.