I insisted on one thing: They could have fun, hang out, party, whatever, but they had to date with focus

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

"Excuse me.” The girl behind me in line edged her cart around mine. “I’m just trying to get that gum over there.”

“Oh, sorry.” I snagged it from the shelf near the checkout and handed it to her. “Wait, you look familiar…”

She looked at me and shrugged. “Judy Weisserman?” she said, like a question.

Oh — Weisserman. It clicked. “I think we used to be neighbors,” I explained. “Maybe ten years ago. I’m Shani Leiman.”

After Mrs. Weisserman had been nifteres, the family had moved, but I vaguely remembered a young girl, Hudis. Guess she called herself Judy now. “Do you live around here?”

Judy nodded. “The apartment is on Maple Street.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Judy was chilled and friendly, and we continued talking as we each checked out and headed toward the parking lot. I learned that she was a social worker and enjoyed working with teens, particularly those struggling with bereavement. Then the topic of dating came up.

“I’m tired of dating,” Judy complained. “I just want to be married.” She told me there was no one significant in her life right then.

Judy was used to meeting guys on her own and dating casually. She had certainly never used a shadchan before, and at 25, no one told her what to do. That ship had sailed long ago — probably when her mother died.

According to what Judy told me, her father couldn’t understand her free-spirited attitude and her cavalier approach toward halachah. He didn’t know how to build a relationship with her, and was bothered by her choice of music, entertainment, and friends. Not to mention her style of dress — her skirts were too short, she wore no socks, her necklines were too low. On top of that, she enjoyed a drink here and there.

“My roommate went out with this guy a few times,” Judy said. “She claims he’s perfect for me, but she didn’t want to set it up. Way too uncomfortable.”

“I could set it up,” I offered. I was amazed when she agreed.