An easy life with few challenges sounds great doesn’t it? Too bad nobody has one. Instead we all face many difficulties — in physical health emotional health money marriage parenting career — virtually every area of life. “Easy” is apparently not for This World. This is a world of challenge a world where we earn merit for dealing properly with that challenge.

Ups and Downs of Life
Modern research shows that people become less happy after having their first child. Apparently people are quite bothered by the exhausting demands of parenthood — and keep in mind that this research is done on couples who only have one or two children (and often a full-time nanny). Life was easier and more fun before they were saddled with the 24-hour-a-day responsibilities of child care. Once the little ones leave home for good parents return to a higher level of happiness.
But other studies show that while the day-to-day life of a parent is normally more stressful than that of a nonparent their big picture of life satisfaction is higher. Parents find meaning purpose and fulfillment in their roles even though the daily grind is difficult.
Indeed when people make it through tough times of any kind they often feel stronger wiser and more accomplished. While it’s true that hard times can also break a person that’s all part of the “challenge” within challenge. We can go either way — reaching our full potential or becoming destroyed. When we cleave to Hashem every step of the way our prognosis is excellent. And this is why Hashem sends us challenges. He wants us to grow through them and come closer to Him.

Cracks in the Armor
Many people feel ashamed of the challenges they ’re facing as if the problem somehow makes them less worthy.
“I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through. Everyone thinks we have such a beautiful family. I just couldn’t deal with what I would see on their faces if I told them what I was dealing with.”
We always smile in public of course. We dress up; we look good. Soon we believe our own press: “The Goldbergs are grand.” Then a crack appears. A child gets divorced goes into rehab or develops a new “look.” What’s going on here?
Parenting! Family life! It’s messy complicated and human. Children aren’t little robots on an assembly line. They’re people with complex internal worlds people who must find their own way. They struggle and like us they have challenges.
It isn’t easy growing up and it isn’t easy raising children. But we’re all in this together. Our families are living breathing organisms not smiling photographs on the living room wall. We aren’t always smiling like that. It’s not always okay. In between bouts of joy and laughter it can be hard and heartbreaking and terrifying. It certainly isn’t easy. Nor was it ever meant to be.

We’re Not Alone
While we may appreciate the value of difficulties we don’t necessarily broadcast our personal challenges. We worry about our reputation or the notion that people won’t marry into our family once they realize that we or our spouse has a mood disorder or a bad temper or some other human frailty.
In fact unless a problem becomes so overwhelming that we can no longer cope no one outside the home may ever learn about it. Unfortunately this practice contributes to problems becoming so overwhelming that we can no longer cope. Feelings of isolation humiliation and inadequacy turn very common challenges of life into issues of nightmarish proportions. How ironic and sad that five women on a block may be struggling with the exact same issue alone. If we could provide a support group on every corner we’d all be a lot healthier!
As members of a nation who treasure and respect privacy the very least we can do for ourselves is to recognize what Shlomo Hamelech taught us: There’s nothing new under the sun. Our personal problems — though one-of-a-kind in specific details — are not unique no matter what they are. Others have experienced them and others are experiencing them at this very moment. We must face the situation courageously with compassion for ourselves our loved ones and every human being.
There is an ancient aphorism which states “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” So true.