“You!” he said, pointing to Basya, who seemed to be organizing everything. “You go find out about the kesubah”

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

I know there are a lot of strong feelings surrounding the “age order” concept, where people expect children in a family to get married in an oldest-first pattern. I know this because I had a younger sister.

When she was 19 and I was 21, she was redt to her first boy. People thought she should wait, but my sister wanted to meet him, and I told my parents I didn’t want to hold her back. She met him and married him, and I got married a full two years later.

Good thing we didn’t make her wait, right? Shidduchim are complicated enough without holding back younger siblings. Leave it up to Hashem to work out the who, when, where, and how.

The Feldheims faced a similar situation. Although Miriam Feldheim was 23, her chassan, Yanky Green, also 23, was only the second boy she’d dated. That’s because when Miriam had returned from seminary, she had “waited” for her older sister, Basya.

But five long years later, Basya was 27 and still unmarried. Miriam started dating when she turned 23, and now she was engaged. Mazel tov!

Basya had never wanted to prevent her sister’s simchah, and she wasn’t going to ruin it for her now. She put her own feelings aside and threw herself into the wedding plans. She debated color schemes and gown designs, and searched out the best hair and makeup stylists. Basya accompanied the kallah from the linen store to the sheitelmacher to the mall, and she gave her time and energy with a full heart.

It was Basya who created the invitation list, Basya who arranged hosts for the Shabbos sheva brachos guests, and Basya who traveled to Lakewood with Miriam to scout out apartments. She even worked with the mechutanim on seating for the wedding. She was her mother’s right hand and the kallah’s best friend — the ultimate doting sister.

The day of the wedding, Basya helped the kallah get dressed and made sure she was comfortable. She found her a private place to daven and fielded phone calls from her friends. Finally, it was time for pictures. Everything was perfect. Everything was beautiful.

The chassan had asked Rabbi Yitzchok Morgenstern to be mesader kiddushin. Rabbi Morgenstern was not only his rosh yeshivah but also a father figure — Yanky had grown up next door and was like a brother to the Morgenstern boys. Rabbi Morgenstern was going to be in Texas for an event the day before the wedding, but he scheduled his return flight to land with plenty of time to rest and get to the hall on time.

Until the flight was delayed for two hours. Then three hours. Then four.