“Thursday?” She sounded appalled. “What’s wrong with Monday or Tuesday? I’ll never survive until Thursday!”

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

"It was amaaazing,” Chaya breathed into the phone. “The first date was soooo amazing, but this was even better. I’m, like, on a high.”

She certainly sounded like it.

“I’m so glad,” I told her. “Yossi said the same thing. He also wants to go out again.”

She giggled. “Great. How about tomorrow night?”

I looked at the calendar. “Let’s see, you went out on Motzaei Shabbos, today is Sunday… How about Thursday?”

“Thursday?” She sounded appalled. “What’s wrong with Monday or Tuesday? I’ll never survive until Thursday!”

I know there’s this unofficial rule that people like to follow: three dates in ten days. It keeps the momentum going and allows the relationship to progress. But I’d seen enough couples like Chaya and Yossi to create my own rule: the five-day rule. When emotions skyrocket too quickly, it’s important to slow things down.

Chaya was not too happy about the wait, so I told her about Zahava.

When I set up Zahava with Levi, they clicked immediately.

“It was awesome,” Levi told me after the first date. “I’m really excited about this.”

That was nice to hear, but I’ve been doing this long enough to know that first dates (drive, lounge, drinks, family, weather, Israel) are not really conducive to “awesomeness” or “excitement.” I’m used to hearing things like, “I really enjoyed it,” not, “I’m really excited.” What was the big thrill? I told him to take it slow.

They went out a second time. The date was six hours, and the response was the same. “We totally get each other, it’s amazing.”

I reminded Levi that he was dating Zahava in order to get to know her.