Could he overlook her height to see how perfect she was for him?

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer  

One of the most troubling things I’m confronted with is singles who have very specific criteria for who they’re willing to date.

Sometimes a guy has a certain look he thinks he needs, or a girl believes she needs a boy with a certain personality. Sometimes a girl or boy will refuse to date someone who doesn’t have a specific college degree, or will only consider someone from in town or from out of town, or will only date someone who agrees to start off in Israel or who agrees to move to Israel indefinitely.

I know everyone has their “thing.” But it’s painful to watch men and women pass up opportunities to meet good people simply because of peripherals they’re hung up on. Often, these conditions were formulated when the person may have been young and less mature, and now they’re entrenched forever.

My open, relaxed, friendly style has enabled me to make many shidduchim b’siyata d’Shmaya. As a bonus, I’ve also made many friends. Chevi was one of those friends. She reached out to me when she was 28 and dating a relative of mine — she wanted to clarify some information about him. She didn’t end up marrying him, but we had an instant connection and developed a close relationship.

Eventually Chevi’s mother reached out to me for help with shidduchim for Chevi and her brothers. It was enlightening to see where Chevi came from. Motivated, driven, determined, good-hearted, and confident, Chevi’s mother was also her role model. She was a sophisticated type A personality who had raised her daughter with a fierce commitment to success.

Shidduchim brings you back to the Source, because you can’t really do anything about it. When your children struggle in school, you can hire a tutor; if they need emotional support or a confidence boost, you can hire a big brother. If your children struggle socially, you can sign them up for a football league or chess club, and if they lisp you can hire a speech therapist.

But shidduchim is not the kind of problem resolved with money. Money may get you dates, but it’s not necessarily going to get you married. Only Hashem can bring you the right one. This was a new experience for Chevi’s mother, and she was at a loss.

“I’m going crazy, I don’t know what to do,” she said.

“Just daven,” I told her. “You’ve done enough. Let Hashem do His part. “