Smiling is a superpower; let’s utilize it to really communicate with the people in our life

H

ashem appeared to us at Har Sinai. His Presence was so overwhelming, we lost consciousness; we were unable to withstand Its force. Hashem’s word was impressive as well, but didn’t cause us to die.

Obviously, there is a world of difference between “presence” and “communication.” Now, with social distancing in place, we feel this difference daily. At home with family members, we experience their full presence. While in some cases this is too much of a good thing, in general, the normal comfort of being with a human being is still comforting.

Communicating on a verbal or video platform is certainly a form of communication, but in both cases “presence” is significantly reduced. The experience of being with a person is notably compromised. Hearing, or even seeing people, is not at all the same as sitting in their presence.

What Is Presence?

As it turns out, “presence” has much more to do with facial energy and communication than anything else. Imagine sitting with a person who is wearing a large opaque paper bag over his head. We can hear him speak and we can see his body, but we can’t see his face. Do we feel his “presence?” Not much. We need his eyes, his mouth, his skin color, and more.

But what is it that we recover when all this becomes available to us? The person’s soul. We sense the spirit within a person through close contact with that person’s face.

What Is Human Contact?

It’s not just that we sense a person’s spirit when we’re with him, but we also exchange spiritual energy. When we stand two meters apart from other humans, the soul connection is weakened to some extent. We feel the distance between us and we feel the lack of proper connection. Being closer together literally energizes us.

Nowadays, we feel a hunger for normal connection of this kind. Oddly enough, even standing in normal supermarket lineups with strangers used to provide some energetic exchange. But of course, the embrace of a friend would provide a much more intense and nurturing experience. Full presence is healing.

Presence in the Home

Many marital battles have occurred over the lack of presence of one partner. “You’re never fully here ⸺ your mind is always elsewhere/you’re always on your phone/you’re always busy with the kids.” Spouses want real presence from each other: physical presence, words, eye contact, and intentional attention. They need this full dose of attention in order to nurture and sustain intimacy — the deepest form of human connection.

Children also crave parental presence and, like spouses, depend on it in order to build strong, loving bonds. Parents cultivate this kind of presence when they make themselves fully available off and on throughout a day, offering small doses of concentrated attention at meals, bedtime routines, family games, puzzles, and chats.

The Smile

Being physically in the room, close, with face revealed, provides an experience of presence. But the smiling face is in its own category. A smile is one of the most powerfully healing and health-promoting forms of presence we can offer each other anywhere, and particularly at home. Our loved ones thrive in the presence of our smile. With our lips turned upward, creases forming around our sparkling eyes, we yield tremendous power. Both spouses and children work willingly to earn our smile.

Says one woman, “When I was being trained in customer service, my instructor told us to smile when we were speaking to customers on the phone. She explained that smiling causes your voice to change, and although your customer can’t see you, she’ll experience your warmth and concern through your ‘smiling voice.’ I saw how that was true. I’ve remembered the power of the smile in my family life. When I put food on the table, I put a smile on my face. When I ask someone to do something, I make sure to smile as I ask. I’ve found my smile to be my ‘magic weapon,’ gaining the love, trust, and cooperation I want in my family life.”

The more freely we share smiles throughout our moments of contact with family members, the more love we generate. The more readily we smile, the more cooperation we elicit from members of the household. The more consistently we smile, the more we heal ourselves — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Smiling is our superpower, a channel between souls, gifted to us by Hashem.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 694)