We all need love. But what is it and how can we access it when it seems far away?

Love. Everyone needs it. But what is it exactly?
It’s not a material substance; while we can receive it and give it experience it and enjoy it we can’t touch it or hold it. It doesn’t exist the way food and air exists. And yet without it babies fail to thrive and can even die. These little ones may have plenty to eat clean clothes and fresh air — but without the feeling of being loved they have no will to live and their bodies just shut down.
We see the same phenomenon at the other end of life when spouses die within short periods of each other — the first from an illness and the second from heartbreak. Without being connected to his or her vital source of love the elderly person’s immune system collapses and he or she leaves this world.
Most people however do not physically die from a shortage of love. Instead they suffer illnesses of the body and soul. People whose “love banks” run dangerously low are more prone to illness. For instance the lonelier a person is the more he is afflicted by disease and early death. On the other hand we see that when a person’s “love bank” is filled trauma resolves more quickly psychiatric conditions stabilize and physical health conditions improve.

Sharing the Gift
Love in other words is a healing factor for both body and mind. Feeling cut off from love stresses the body and mind and contributes to the breakdown of both. Indeed many types of adult insecurity anger and sadness stem from an insufficient flow of love in childhood. The right amount and the right kind of love are
necessary for the healthy development of a human being.
As parents we must provide it for our children just as surely as we are obligated to feed them food. As spouses our gift of love to our partners eases their
journey prolongs their lives and helps them achieve their potential. Our love is more than good for our loved ones; it is one of the most powerful factors in the quality of their lives.
And last but not least is self-love. We too need love. Our love for ourselves is just as powerful as our love for others; a lack of self-love is just as dangerous as any other love deficit.

Accessing Love
Since love is so important to our wellbeing and even to our survival it is important to know how to access it. Love is essentially a wavelength a vibrational pattern we experience strongly in the physical vicinity of the heart and more diffusely throughout our entire being. Feeling it causes our hearts to beat in a rhythmic coherent pattern that results in powerful chemical hormonal and neurological effects — effects that impact all the processes of our body and mind.
The wave of love is always available for a person to access within oneself. The reason parents must offer a loving vibration to their infants and children (through both acts and feelings of love) is so that the little ones can learn how to access this feeling within themselves. They learn how to produce the wave of love from being surrounded by it and by mimicking it.
Adults can trigger their own flow of love through treating themselves kindly and lovingly in thought and deed associating with others who act kindly and lovingly toward them and experiencing and appreciating the kindness and love of Hashem.
In many cases adults also need to heal whatever blocks their access to love. Our “love banks” are filled when we believe ourselves to be lovable loved and loving. The very act of meditating on this state is one way to nourish ourselves with love. (Before getting out of bed in the morning with eyes still closed silently repeat several times “I am lovable loved and loving.”) Acting lovingly toward family members causes a circulation of loving energies to flow within ourselves as well as within them.
Triggering feelings of love inside of ourselves and others through acts of kindness kind thoughts and feelings of care is one of the most important things we can accomplish in life. We can’t afford to leave this activity up to chance; we need to consciously commit to the processes of accessing and triggering love — every single day.