Freedom. It’s one of mankind’s highest ideals. But like everything we strive for it’s only valuable in the correct context. Some limits are crucial. No sane person would allow a child to run into a busy intersection or give a ten-year-old a car to drive. Yet we inherently chafe at limitation.

As we’ve discussed previously the source of our desire to be free is our soul which reflects the unlimited and unencumbered nature of the Ein Sof from which it comes. When Hashem created the world He had to constrict Himself to make room for His creation and the possibility of physical beings to experience Him. Similarly when we embrace the boundaries of the physical world and the limits to our behavior it allows us to experience the Divine soul within ourselves. The body needs boundaries in order for the soul to be free.

The ultimate goal is to have the light of the soul illuminate the body and dictate its actions. This will only be fully accomplished at resurrection yet to the extent that we accept and embrace the boundaries and limitations imposed on us by the Torah and mitzvos and the responsibilities of a Torah lifestyle we bring tikun correction to the body and can come to experience the freedom of the soul.

It’s hard to accept these limits. While we may intellectually understand their value we often relate to the limitations like the young child eager to escape from school. We endure our limits the Torah and mitzvos but our eye is always on the clock waiting for “vacation” to start.

If we could accept and embrace the burden of limitations we’d ease the tension between what we naturally desire (no limits) and the reality of a bounded existence ultimately allowing us to take pleasure in the boundaries themselves.

Think of Shulamis who always pictured herself having an open home with a Shabbos table full of guests. Shulamis’s husband Yitzchak is a kind and giving person so she didn’t anticipate that this would be an issue. It turns out however that it takes Yitzchak a long time to feel comfortable with people he doesn’t know. Having guests at the table unless they are close relatives creates stress for him and detracts from his menuchas Shabbos.

If Shulamis accepts this reality and realizes that this is who Yitzchak is and no amount of cajoling is going to change it it paves the way for finding the pleasure inherent in the limitation. In this case it might mean an easier Erev Shabbos with less pressure to prepare copious fancy food. It may include the relaxed atmosphere at the table that allows each kid to be heard and sing zmiros at the top of his lungs if he wants to. It may also be the pleasure of exchanged glances between husband and wife which are only possible with no outsiders present. If Shulamis can redefine the limits Yitzchak’s shyness imposes upon her dreams they can bring her closer to him rather than further away.

Limits that Lead to Freedom

In a more global example the restrictions placed on our interactions with the opposite gender can look restraining but when they are embraced they lead to true freedom.

Recently a group of secular Jewish women who had missed their flight toIsraeland needed a place to rest ended up in my home for several hours. Many had never been in an observant home and I happily showed them around.

Several women were especially intrigued by my 18-year-old daughter and her friends who were in the house at the time. They inquired about the girls’ social life and I suggested they have a conversation with the girls themselves leaving them together in the kitchen while I joined the rest of the group in the living room.

Fifteen minutes later the women rejoined us and one of them addressed the group. “I just had the most amazing conversation with these young women” she shared. “They don’t have boyfriends and in their words their life is wholesome. They have what our children are missing. If I could do it over again I would do it like this.”

Picture the difference between secular experience of settling down with a spouse and the Torah approach to the sacred bond of marriage. In the secular world marriage seems like a good idea theoretically but in reality people may find it very confining. Before marriage they feel the possibilities are endless. One can form a bond with one person and move on to another when the relationship is no longer exciting or enjoyable. There is no one to answer to. Each person participates in the relationship at will; either party is free to end it for whatever reason suits them.

After the wedding when the honeymoon is over the person realizes his boundaries. I’m no longer free to pursue other relationships and if my wife isn’t happy or I’m not happy I’m still obligated to her. What a drag.

We see statistically that more often than not people don’t have the tools they need to accept the curbs to their inclinations so that they can find the pleasure in the boundaries and divorce is the unhappy result.

With the Torah approach we realize that the joy resulting from a committed relationship far outweighs the “burdens” endured by limiting oneself to one partner. We embrace the obligations that allow the relationship to flourish. How does the Torah bring us to this place?

Safeguarding the Path

The Midrash in Eichah tells us that Hashem says “Halevai — if only the Jewish People would abandon Me yet guard My Torah as the light within it would restore them to the proper path.”

In what way does guarding the Torah produce this incredible result? Explains Rav Itamar Schwartz guarding Torah creates a gvul an inner boundary shaped by the limitations set by the Torah. This ultimately grants him access to the essence of Torah and reveals the light of the Divine within. When we understand the source of our desire for freedom and see it for what it is — our soul’s desire for infinity — we can fully appreciate the body’s need for boundaries and avoid falling into the trap of misinterpreting our yearnings and frustrations.

Rav Schwartz gives the example of a man who has a large amount of merchandise to transport and rents a truck to take the items a distance of several hundred miles. Not wanting to make two trips he tries to load everything in the truck at once. When two-thirds of the items are inside however an alarm starts sounding in the truck alerting him that he has exceeded the two-ton weight limit that the truck can carry safely.

At this point the man has two choices. He can realize that the limit is real and to his benefit and accept that he will have to make two trips. Or he can hold on to his desire to make only one trip and reject the physical limitation and stuff the truck beyond capacity. If he chooses the latter route he will end up breaking down on the road ultimately needing two trucks to come bail him out.

When a bride walks around a groom seven times under the wedding canopy she is creating a chomah a wall a very strong and defining boundary. The acceptance of the boundary by husband and wife — not only in terms of the exclusivity of the relationship but also in the acceptance that this spouse is the person with whom they will build what their Creator wanted them to build — is key to the marriage and to their individual tikun. And when that wall is embraced it becomes the building blocks of a magnificent home.