“And the cities shall be for you a refuge from the avenger and the killer shall not die.” (Bamidbar 35:12)

The concept of arei miklat (cities of refuge) is comprised of two aspects: salvation and punishment. A murderer who killed accidentally flees to these cities for protection from his victim’s relatives. However even a killer who does not fear reprisal must remain exiled in the ir miklat as a punishment for his sin despite it being unintentional.

Thus the concept of arei miklat includes both retribution and kindness. The murderer is punished by midas hadin and protected by midas harachamim.

What’s interesting to note is that the Torah puts great emphasis on security measures to protect the killer from the go’el hadam. In addition to the many signposts directing him to the arei miklat two talmidei chachamim must accompany him as chaperones. However should he decide to leave the city after he is settled the Torah immediately allows the go’el hadam to harm him. Why? (Birkas Peretz Rav Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky according to Lekach Tov)

Our noblest aspiration in this world is to serve Hashem with love. I love Shabbos the Yamim Tovim and all the beauty inherent in living as a Torah Jew. My basic outlook as a Torah wife and mother is to raise a home in which mitzvos equal simchah and Torah is always pleasant. With such goals my track record should be perfect no?

No!

The Torah knows the nature of a person. During his long solitary sojourn in the ir miklat the murderer will miss his family. Perhaps he will consider venturing out to visit them. Yet the Torah knows that he must remain in the ir miklat — for his sake — as atonement for his sin. Therefore the Torah removes all protection from the killer should he risk his life and leave the ir miklat. It wants fear of reprisal to influence the murderer to remain in his incarceration.

The nature of a person is so devious that commitment based on love is not always enough. Instead the insidious yetzer hara strives to trap us with irrational desires. Sure you love Hashem. Sure you appreciate Shabbos and kashrus. Who would want to substitute a life of eternity for one of emptiness?

Yet … what about that pastel skirt I saw yesterday in the store? The skirt that I wanted to buy so badly since it matches my new Shabbos sweater perfectly. The skirt that … that … well it basically covers my knees. It does! Plus it was on sale and it’s for Shabbos. I asked the saleslady to hold it because of the hemline but the more I think about it the more I know it’s really fine. Why shouldn’t I go back and pick it up after work?

Fear of punishment is significant. Although the seforim explain that the essence of fear is awe of G-d’s Magnificence fear of punishment must be enforced as well. Because when the yetzer hara attacks a person’s desires render him irrational and he cannot use his innate commitment for spirituality to protect himself. So what does stop him from sinning? Fear of punishment. Fear of what would happen to him if he steps out of the safe boundaries of his own personal ir miklat.

Serving Hashem with love is the “in thing.” There are bumper stickers and songs proclaiming: “Hashem we love you!” We take pride in trying to rise to our position as daughters of the King.

But what about the nitty-gritty obligations? Nobody likes discussing aveiros and punishments. Yet we must remember that without basic fear of retribution our love of Hashem is ephemeral. It dissipates in the first conflict with desire. We have to cultivate recognition that punishment for aveiros will always override the momentary pleasure.

The gemara in Yerushalmi (Brachos 9:5) teaches us: “Someone who loves will not end up hating; and someone who fears will not end up kicking (rebelling).” We need both.

Yiras Shamayim must be the fundamental foundation of our homes. Assur is assur and halachah is halachah. Averios are off limits even when they are very attractive.

Only a solid foundation of yirah will allow us to build a magnificent palace of love.