The day her in-laws are over I happened to knock on my neighbor’s door. She invites me into her home. I am introduced to her mother-in-law — a peppy powerhouse Yemenite — and her father-in-law — a strong broad man in a wheelchair who can’t speak a word.

The father-in-law has an attendant who takes care of all his physical needs. During the visit I saw the attendant pick him up and help him lie down on the couch. For each small activity he is carefully and painstakingly helped and held.

All that remains in his active control is the expression in his eyes.

I sit for about an hour in the kitchen because my neighbor’s mother-in-law likes to talk.

I don’t know exactly how we get on the subject but somehow it comes up. I think it’s because they were discussing the idea of her husband being sent to a convalescent home.

“He’s my amud my pillar” the mother-in-law says looking over at her husband. “I can’t send him anywhere. He is my home.” She says it without a flinch.

I will never forget that moment. Or those words. Or the look in his eyes or hers.

“He is my amud” she repeats as she spreads his techina on a slice of bread.

And I think He is her amud? He can’t speak and he can’t move. He supposedly does nothing for his wife and he is her pillar her strength her security.

If we could really understand interpret and imbibe this message about our other half the world would be a different place.

The other day I was in a class. A woman brought up a problem she was having with the way her husband spoke to a particular child. The woman was all caught up in trying to figure out ways to change her husband. The teacher took her right off that track.

“Our job is not to change our husbands or to talk badly about them. Our job as mothers is to interpret the scenarios for our children.

“For instance” she says giving an example “if the father says something too harsh like ‘I want you to eat your bread sitting down!’ and the child interprets it to mean ‘My father doesn’t love me ’ it’s the mother’s job is to interpret to say something like ‘He only reacts so strongly because he loves you.’$$$separatequote$$$” She shines light into the darkness of the situation.

The teacher shows her how to create a proper inner prospective which in turn creates a sturdy pillar in the structure of her child’s outlook one that will ultimately make him feel secure. Just as the wife of the man who can not move sees and interprets her husband as the pillar of her life.

The other day a friend calls. She’s got a serious problem.

She doesn’t know what to do she says she keeps turning her situation around and around trying to shine new light on it.

“But if I do find a new angle in the shadow isn’t it a lie?” she asks.

“Aren’t I fooling myself?” she wonders.

“But the truth is” she answers her own question “isn’t it my job to shine light into my home? On to situations? We light candles and send out the shadows and the doubts.”

I hear.

“Doesn’t it say women are like the moon?”

She pauses to think.

“In that case I’m moonlight!”