“Oh don’t worry at all it’s just a gallbladder; nothing to get excited about.”

If one more person assures me that “it’s only a gallbladder” I’m going to scream! However it was only the gallbladder and before I could say “cholecystectomy” I found myself in a hospital bed awaiting the procedure.

During the three days I spent in the hospital on the “other side of the desk” — in the bed and not at the bedside — I learned about the “other side” of bikur cholim.

I present to you my observations of a patient’s perspective on the mitzvah of visiting the sick.

1) Think before you speak.

Although the procedure may be “minor” telling the patient the details of how you or someone else did or didn’t recover isn’t appreciated. It was not encouraging to hear “You’d better get used to the pain. My mother-in-law had her gallbladder out five years ago and she’s never been the same since!”

It also wasn’t helpful to hear anything along the lines of: “A gallbladder removal? That’s a cinch. My wife’s brother had his out last year and he was dancing at a wedding the next night!”

2) Be supportive be encouraging and don’t be burdensome.

I very much appreciated those who sent an e-mail (which I could read when and if I wanted) or those who called my wife. I appreciated less the person who called me on my cell phone at 11:30 p.m. the day after surgery and stated — with a slight sense of reproach — “I’m glad you finally answered! I’ve been trying to call all day. Why didn’t you call me? I was so worried.” I must admit that since I was just six hours after surgery I didn’t think to call every single person I knew to tell them the outcome. Remember: The sick person is in the hospital for a reason.

3) Never never and never comment on the competency of the doctor or the necessity of the procedure once the surgery has been performed.

This includes anything along the lines of: “Oh Dr. Goldmanbergerstein did your surgery? I heard he was being sued for malpractice for unnecessary procedures” or “You know nowadays the doctors are so quick to go for the knife. My uncle had his gallbladder removed and who knows if it was needed? One thing is for sure they can never put it back.”

Such remarks are far better not said.

4) Remember you’re there to make the patient feel better not worse.

Why do some people feel the need to pick up the medical charts — a real breach of privacy — and read the results? And make remarks such as “Oh your iron seems dangerously low; you’d better mention this to your doctor. My grandmother of blessed memory waited too long to tell her doctor.”

5) Give the guy his privacy.

It’s not easy to get privacy in a hospital. But why do some people feel entitled to listen when the doctor comes in? Not to mention feeling free to ask the doctor questions such as: “Hey doc while he’s here are you going to tell him that he better lose some weight?” or “Excuse me doctor but since you’re here anyway do you mind looking at this spot on my hand?”

If the doctor comes in walk out and give the patient privacy while he’s conferring with the doctor.

Finally never forget the iron-clad “rule”: Surgery is minor when it’s done on someone else but major when it’s done on you!