“And Moshe answered and said: But they will not believe me.” (Shemos 4:1)

“Moshe knew Bnei Yisrael would believe him but he was unsure if their faith was wholehearted. When one comes to a person in great distress with a promise of redemption he grabs at it like a drowning man at a straw hoping desperately his salvation has arrived. Even if there’s only a shadow of hope he will believe not because of his complete faith but because he thinks: What will I lose by believing? After all it may be true.

This tactic was employed through the ages by false Messiahs who succeeded in ensnaring the nation not because the Jews truly believed in them but because of the suffering endured by the Jewish people in exile. They were drawn toward any person who promised to redeem them. But this is not considered pure faith.” (Darchei Mussar Rav Yaakov Neiman)

The saleslady in the health food store speaks enthusiastically as I eye her skeptically. She takes out a small glass bottle containing a homeopathic preparation and promises 100% success. I suspect that isn’t quite so but what choice do I have?

Thoughts of creepy crawlies making themselves at home in my daughter‘s hair and hours of combing a squirmy restless scratching kid motivate me to buy the bottle definitely not my belief in homeopathy. 

“Moshe Rabbeinu knew the Jews must be redeemed in the merit of their own faith which wasn’t perfect … until Hashem told him: It is clear to Me that they are believers children of believers. Just like Avraham Avinu who had pure and complete faith in Hashem — so too the people of Israel believe in Me with wholehearted emunah.

Only Hashem could know this.

With this insight in mind we can now explain the pasuk: “Hashem is close to all those who call upon Him.” Our Sages question: Is it possible that He is close to everyone? The pasuk answers: “To all who call upon Him sincerely.” If a person calls out to Hashem while not truly believing that Hashem alone and no other power has the ability to help him Hashem does not fulfill his request.” (ibid.) 

It’s my precious day off I remind myself as I hastily put down my half-finished cup of coffee.

As the last little straggler leaves the house I start planning my schedule arranging the day’s tasks like a fleet of cars in a crowded parking lot. Laundry first then the kids’ bedrooms. Next the phone call to Social Security which owes me money. While the laundry flaps on the washing line and the pots bubble on the stove I’ll over to the store. On the way back I’ll pick up my little darling from kindergarten and listen to her sweet chatter with a patience I haven’t had for the past week.

I open my siddur for a day-off-from-work Shacharis. A tefillah that doesn’t hurtle down the mountainside like every other morning; but words uttered with thought meaning and tranquility. “Ribono shel Olam” I say and a heavy curtain moves aside revealing a dazzling light of clarity. “Ribono shel Olam I have a day off today. I have so many things to do and I can’t do them on my own. Will You help me? Only You can grant me the wisdom and the ability to complete my projects successfully. Only You my compassionate loving Father can provide me with money not Social Security. And please give me patience for my children Hashem because without You I have nothing.”

The more I think about it the more I realize how needy and destitute I truly am. The tears well up in my eyes clear and sincere: Hashem I have a day off today and I can’t get through it without You. There is nobody in the world other than You who can help me. If you don’t provide for me I will have nothing.

I turn only to the mightiest of them all the One whose vast treasure house is overflowing with gifts given willingly and generously. I will not stop asking until He has provided me with my every need because I believe. I truly believe.