In Madreigas Ha’Adam Rav Yosef Yoizel Horowitz the Alter of Novardok asks: How did Yaakov know the exact moment to ask Eisav to sell him the bechorah the birthright? How could he know that Eisav was at all amenable to trading his birthright for a bowl of lentils?

It was when Eisav came in from the field hungry after hunting and saw Yaakov cooking lentils because Avraham Avinu had died that day and Yaakov was preparing the traditional mourning food. Eisav sees the food and immediately asks Yaakov to literally “Please pour into me some of that red red stuff for I am exhausted” (Bereishis 25:30).

Why at that moment was Yaakov moved to ask for the bechorah?

“The true test if our senses are healthy or not” writes the Madreigas Ha’Adam “lies in our yedias ha’hevdel our knowing the difference.”

Who we are depends greatly — maybe entirely — on our ability to make havdalos. L’havdil to differentiate. To be able to straightforwardly tell the difference distinguishing between one thing and another.

Havdalah comes from the root beis-dalet-lamed which Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch defines as “to separate for a positive purpose.”

If we can’t tell the difference between anything we see we’re blind. If we can’t tell the difference between anything we hear we’re deaf. Sometimes it’s easy: Is this an apple or an orange? A chicken or an egg? Sometimes it’s close to impossible: Is this friendship healthy? Is this activity okay? This shirt? This book? This school? This sheitel? What does it come down to? What’s the deciding factor in telling the difference in judging something or someone or some situation to be dark or light for us?

It’s what the Madreigas Ha’Adam calls the “chush ha’daas” the sense of knowing. “What’s applicable to the chush ha’daas also depends on hakaras ha’hevdel [knowing the difference]. Chazal ask: ‘If there’s no daas then from where will come the havdalah?’ And which hevdelim [differentiations] are connected to the chush ha’daas? Only in knowing the difference between emes v’sheker [truth and falsehood] and tov v’ra [good and evil].”

Eisav was unable to make havdalos between right and wrong moral and immoral his grandfather’s death and his own immediate hunger. He didn’t connect the lentils to mourning. He doesn’t think about it at all. He’s unable says the Madreigas Ha’Adam to not act immediately on his first impulses. And immediately following Eisav’s request for the “red red stuff ” is when the Torah names him Edom (from aleph-dalet-mem the root for “red”). “If the Torah chose that name specifically it’s because this was his main failing….” At that moment perceiving this crucial failing in his brother Yaakov realizes that such impulsiveness could never go together with the bechorah and seizes the moment. And Eisav who cannot see beyond the moment agrees.

The root kaf-peh-heh means to force says Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch. 

Rav Hirsch brings many verbs related to this root and when I looked at the list I realized they all have a common denominator. Each represents an action of moving from one opposite to the other:

chaf-beis-hey — extinguish (on to off)

gimmel-beis-ayin — elevate (low to high)

gimmel-beis-hey — rise (low to high)

kuf-beis-ayin — limit (freedom to boundaries)

chaf-beis-ayin — cover (open to closed)

gimmel-vov-alef — depress (up to down)

yud-vov-hey — connect (alone to together)

gimmel-veis-hey — concentrate (unfocused to focused)

yud-peh-hey — project beauty (ugly to beautiful)

chaf-vov-ches — strengthen (weak to strong)

In al hanissim it describes the war of the opposites:

“In the days of Matisyahu…. You delivered the mighty into the hands of the weak the many into the hands of the few the impure into the hands of the pure the wicked into the hands of the righteous and the wanton sinners into the hands of those who occupy themselves with Your Torah.”

At first glance we may think the gulf between each pair is huge and we may be convinced we know without a doubt who belongs in each category. But when we look again we may not be so sure. We should not be so sure.

Sometimes it’s pellucid: The Greeks and the Hellenizing Jews were wicked. The Maccabees were righteous. But other times throughout life and in less drastic examples we don’t always know. And it’s G-d’s business to judge. Except when it comes to ourselves.

Rav Yisrael Salanter commented about the four sons of the Haggadah “Each of us contains all aspects of all four sons.”

Likewise each of us has within us aspects of every one of these seeming opposites from al hanissim and the potential for great good and great evil.

Sometimes we have to force ourselves to do what we know is right. But we never have to force ourselves to do what we know is wrong. Our challenge appropriate during the dark month of Teves is to bring every part of ourselves into the light to ruthlessly examine it understand it and make havdalos to separate for positive purposes and bring all of ourselves — with G-d’s help — into alignment with G-d’s will.