Mother: You didn’t clean your room as I asked you to. As we discussed earlier the consequence for not cleaning your room by noon on Sunday is having to clean two other bedrooms as well as your own before you can go out with your friends.

Daughter: No wait! Can I please just clean my room right now? It’s only 12:15 — I’ll have it done within 20 minutes. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? I already made arrangements with the girls to work on the play this afternoon and they’re counting on me to be there by 1. I can’t clean the extra rooms!

Mother: Fine. As long as you are finished within 20 minutes you can go.

Merciful Parents

When a parent knows that his or her child is basically good the parent doesn’t mind being a bit lenient at times stretching the rules if necessary in order to allow the child to easily succeed. Of course the story may be different when the child is chronically defiant or constantly lax.

Good will on the child’s part generates good will on the parent’s part and vica versa. Overly strict parents who hold their kids to the letter of the law regardless of the child’s merits often create a defiant streak in their youngsters. If being good doesn’t count the kids soon learn not to bother.

We adults hope that Hashem looks at us in this compassionate way as well. On Judgment Day we want Him to see that we are basically good well-intentioned people who generally do what is asked of us. When our faults lay bare before the Heavenly Tribunal we beg for a few more days to set things right. “Please give me one more chance! I’ll have it done by the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah I promise!” Then perceiving a “nod” from Hashem we rush deep into Tishrei doing the best we can now keenly aware that every move is being recorded. We know that time is running out we have to set the record straight.

Reverting to Strict Judgment

Mother: Shiffy what is going on here? Your room is not clean and it’s way past noon already! That’s it! You have two more rooms to do before you’re going anywhere — Young Lady!

Daughter: Oh I’m so sorry! I meant to do it — I was helping Ahuvah with her essay and I didn’t realize the time! Can I just do it by 12:45 because I already made arrangements with my friends?

Mother: No. You know the rule. I’m tired of all the excuses and exemptions. Next time watch the clock.

Parental compassion doesn’t last forever. There will come a day of reckoning a day when parents will enforce the law. How long can a child take advantage of a parent and hope that no consequences will occur? The truth is the child is not exactly sure how long. She pushes her luck hoping that she can squeeze one more lenient judgment out of her parent’s heart. Still the basically good child she always was she’s hoping that her winning smile her good intentions and her basic charm will soften the frown on her parent’s face. No such luck today however.

When will our “luck” run out? Last year we asked Hashem to give us a few more days to clean up our acts and we were granted a kind reprieve. For a few days we davened more spoke less lashon hara were more patient with our loved ones. And then after a short while we resumed our normal ways probably hoping maybe even assuming that Hashem would overlook our transgressions again next year.

Consequences

The problem is that when a parent doesn’t give a child negative consequences the child begins to believe that she is exempt from punishment that it will never happen. We adults commit endless daily sins but life goes on. Hashem doesn’t call out our name or lift us into the sky for a meeting. The consequences that He does arrange go unnoticed. We think that the washing machine died because it was old. We think that our marriage is painful because our spouse is immature. We think that all of our suffering is random never recognizing the hand of Hashem shaking us to wake us out of our lethargy.

However as long as we are on earth we must strive to pick up the subtle cues. Hashem is trying to get our attention. Teshuvah is not a ten day “second chance.” Teshuvah is acknowledging learning growing and improving permanently. It is learning to clean our room on time speak nicely to family members judge favorably and in all other ways do what Hashem asked us to do. This year let’s make one permanent improvement. One.